Pubdate: Thu, 09 Mar 2000
Source: Nashua Telegraph (NH)
Copyright: Nashua Telegraph 2000
Address: P.O. Box 1008, Nashua N.H. 03061
Contact:  http://www.nashuatelegraph.com
Author: Jeffrey Merritt

A DRUG-FREE PACT FOR PARENTS, STUDENTS

Recovering alcoholic, drug addict Dan Duval brings sobering story
Parents and Children Together

Ellen McKeon didn't expect to be crying by 10 a.m. But here she is on
Wednesday morning, seated between her son and husband and dabbing at
tears with a tissue, as Dan Duval spills out the story of his
tumultuous life to a room in Nashua packed with Fairgrounds Junior
High School seventh-graders and their parents.

A star athlete at Trinity High School in Manchester in the 1970s,
Duval got an early start using alcohol and drugs. He was kicked out of
college, got hooked on cocaine, and once tried to steal his mother's
diamond ring to feed his addiction.

Clean now for more than 15 years, Duval tells his story to help kids
avoid his mistakes  and urge parents to support their kids no matter
what.

"Kids, there is no benefit in the world from drugs -- zero," Duval
says, pacing back and forth and nearly shouting at his audience. "In a
language you can understand, they suck. And they kill kids like you
every single day."

The McKeons -- Ellen and Vinnie, and their 12-year-old son, Michael --
are in the third row, hanging on Duval's every word.

"When you have a kid, it's like your biggest fear in life is that
they'll get in with the wrong kids," Ellen McKeon says later.

On a typical weekday, the McKeons spend most of their time in three
separate places, just like most families. On this day, though, they
are together at Rivier College for the city's annual Parents and
Children Together program for seventh-graders and their parents.

This is PACT's third year in Nashua, a series of three conferences
that are designed to promote better communication and tighter
relationships among children and their parents.

Pennichuck Junior High School seventh-graders and their parents
attended Monday's conference, Fairgrounds students and parents were
there Wednesday, and Elm Street Junior High School students and
parents will close out the week Friday.

The Telegraph spent Wednesday with the McKeons to experience PACT
through their eyes.

Duval's workshop is the first of three they attend during the day, and
it appears to have the strongest impact on them.

By way of introduction, Duval flatly tells the students and parents
that he is an alcoholic and drug addict. Taken aback by his bluntness,
some of the students snicker. "Nothing funny about that," he says.
"Absolutely, positively nothing funny about it."

His story is about a kid who had everything going for him -- athletic
ability, an outgoing personality, supportive parents -- and nearly let
drinking and drugging ruin his life. In his senior year at Trinity,
Duval recounts that the basketball team was tied with Portsmouth High
School in the final seconds of the state championship, and he wound up
at the free throw line. Swish.

"We won our second consecutive state championship, and I proceeded to
get drunk for the next two days because that's what I thought you were
supposed to do," he says.

Though he ignored academics in high school, he still got a scholarship
to play football at Saint Mary's University in Halifax, Nova Scotia.
After only a few months there, the school expelled him after he drank
so much that he blacked out and won a bet by tossing a television out
a window in a high-rise building.

Back in southern New Hampshire, Duval acquired an arrest record and a
cocaine habit. The drinking and drugs turned him into a compulsive
liar and stripped away his capacity to love other people, he says.

When his 9-month-old niece died from sudden infant death syndrome, all
he cared about was getting more coke. He only got serious about a
detox program when he couldn't stand to look at himself in the mirror
anymore.

"Nothing but positive things have happened in my life since I stopped
drinking and using drugs," he says.

Vinnie McKeon, who took the day off from his job at Marconi
Communications in Nashua, says young people need to hear that sort of
message over and over.

"It's a great message that they probably should do every Friday
afternoon for these kids because you forget," he says.

Michael, his son, says Duval "was such a powerful speaker, and he knew
everything firsthand."

Michael and his parents agree they have an open relationship with each
other. Though some seventh-graders seem to want nothing to do with
their parents, Michael interacts comfortably with his during the day,
leaving them only to eat lunch with his friends.

While parents and educators say the junior high years are especially
stressful for children and families, the McKeons say everything has
been going smoothly so far for them.

"I was petrified about junior high; junior high has been fine," says
Ellen McKeon, the vice president of the parent-teacher organization at
Bicentennial Elementary School, where daughter Kathleen is in the
fourth grade.

"I was petrified about the high school. Hopefully, by the time he gets
there, there will be two (high schools) or on the way to being two."

Michael notes that he is already thinking about whether to apply to
Bishop Guertin High School or remain in the public school system.

"To me, he almost worries too much about his future, instead of just
being a kid," his mother says. "We just emphasize that education is
important, and you have to go to college whatever you do."

During the rest of the day, the McKeons attend one session that
focuses on handling anger and another dealing with stress reduction.

Child psychologist Benjamin Garber presents a variety of strategies
for venting anger  and advises parents to reward their children for
positive behavior as a way of discouraging misbehavior.

"It's easy to get into a downward spiral of them misbehaving, you
punishing, them misbehaving, you punishing," he says.

Dr. Corin DeChirico, Cynthia Twombly and Yvonne Dunetz -- directors of
the New England Institute for Health and Wellness -- lead a collection
of deep breathing, relaxation and movement techniques aimed at
reducing daily stress.

The students and parents picture themselves relaxing on a peaceful
beach, and they gather in the center of the room to move their bodies
to a recording of "I Heard It Through the Grapevine."

DeChirico tells them that people cannot eliminate stress from their
lives.

"But what we can do is take the control within our lives to help our
body handle it better and recognize it before it happens," she says.
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