Pubdate: Thu, 14 Mar 2002
Source: Monday Magazine (CN BC)
Copyright: 2002 Monday Publications
Contact:  http://www.monday.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1150
Author: John Threlfall
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/pot.htm (Cannabis)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/find?135 (Drug Education)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/decrim.htm (Decrim/Legalization)

JUST SAY WHAT?

How Do You Talk To Your Kids About Drugs If You're A Lifetime Pot Smoker?

Despite the fact that my parents now live what many would consider a 
neo-hippie lifestyle on Salt Spring Island (sheep, art, vegetables) and 
that I have become quite outspoken in my views on marijuana reform, I did 
not grow up in a pot-positive family. Quite the opposite, in fact.

One day, when I was just entering my troublesome teens, my father sat me 
down for a little talk. "If I ever catch you with drugs," he said with his 
best don't-even-think-of-it scowl, "I'll call the police myself."

So I made sure he never caught me. As with most kids, threats alone weren't 
enough to stop me from taking my first toke-but they were enough to ensure 
that I never told my parents until I was in my 30s. Now, after 22 years of 
responsible drug use, I find myself a walking contradiction of the 
U.S.-sponsored war on drugs: I'm healthy, articulate, creative, spiritual, 
efficient, responsible, well-educated, well-employed, have good reflexes, a 
good memory and an expansive mind (plus, I'm tremendously modest)-and I'm a 
daily pot smoker.

My wife and I are planning to start a family, so lately we've been thinking 
about how we'll talk to our kids about pot. Given the fact that the 
mainstream media takes great delight in trumpeting the type of "mother 
shoots heroin into daughter's friend" story that raised eyebrows south of 
the border last week, it's no surprise that it's tough to find pro-pot 
parents willing to compare notes.

"How do you talk about using drugs responsibly?" ponders Susan Sophia*, the 
mother of two boys, age 8 and 11. "Can those two words go into the same 
sentence? Drugs and responsibility? I think so."

Sophia, 42, has been smoking pot for 29 years and she's currently grappling 
with the fact that her oldest son has just begun the U.S.-based D.A.R.E. 
(Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program at his school. "Basically," 
Sophia explains, "what his age group is told is, you know, 'Don't do drugs. 
Drugs are not a good thing.'"

Sophia is hardly a poster girl for drug abuse: she's career-driven, active 
in both community and church, is a responsible and caring mother. Yet she's 
also not willing to stop smoking pot just because she's raising 
children-but that doesn't mean she's going to sit down and light up in 
front of them, either.

"I think kids need boundaries about how much information they're given by 
their parents," says Sophia. "I don't think it's helpful to give full 
disclosure. I think you undermine some of your role when you blur the lines 
too much with kids. You still have to be the parent. They're looking for 
boundaries: how much, how often, all of that."

Jim and Gina Spec, however, take the opposite approach: they're all for 
full disclosure, and when their two sons were old enough, they were 
completely up front about their own habits.

"It's important for kids to know what drugs are about, to know the 
difference between positive and negative, to know where the line is," Jim 
tells me. "That knowledge is what's going to protect them in the future."

"We waited until they were 13 and 14," Gina adds. "That was the time they 
were ready to say, 'Hey. What are you doing? Can I try?'"

"'Just say no' is simplistic balderdash," Jim scoffs. "You say no to a kid 
and they're going to want to know why."

Gina tells me the watchwords for her sons are "be wary and aware."

The Specs, both pushing 50, have been regular smokers for the past three 
decades and, like Sophia, they are healthy, happy, well-adjusted people. 
OK, maybe they lean a little closer to the stereotypical hippie-parent 
image, but that doesn't make them bad people; if anything, they're just 
more honest than many of their peers.

"After 32 years of smoking, we've never found anything harmful," Jim 
preaches (no need-I'm converted). "There's not many prescription drugs you 
could use for 32 years without side effects."

Also, like Sophia, the Specs used their own habits as teaching tools for 
their family, equating drug use with other issues of responsibility like 
sex, driving and drinking. "We were very negative about tobacco," Jim adds, 
telling me how after a close family friend died of lung cancer, he shared 
his own struggle to quit smoking with the boys as a way for them to learn 
about the seriousness of addiction.

"Neither of the kids smoke," he smiles, telling me they still have a "no 
smoking-tobacco" ban in their house.

Both Sophia and the Specs, however, find themselves in the minority when it 
comes to their views on parenting and responsible drug use. The Specs tell 
of how few of their sons' friends' parents have the slightest clue of what 
their children may be doing, and of the resulting alienation a closed mind 
and harsh attitude often brings to a family. "If you can't be honest and 
straightforward with your family, what kind of family is that? What kind of 
society is that?" Gina sighs. "If you really believe that it's wrong, that 
you have to hide it from your family, why do it?"

Sophia concurs. "Because they're still some taboo around it-and being 
illegal helps uphold that taboo-I'm not sure how much we openly share among 
parents. Who's still using, who did use, how are you handling it with your 
kids? It's not a topic that gets shared very much. I'd still be cautious."

"Ultimately," Sophia sums up, "you've gotta go with what you think is right 
for your own little nuclear family. Any subject that's taboo ends up being 
in the shadow place, and then we're not getting a chance to look at it in a 
healthy way." She pauses, then laughs. "Sometimes I think when my kids 
catch their first whiff of pot they'll say, 'Hey, that's the perfume my mom 
always wore!'".

*All names changed to protect the innocent-and they are innocent, 
regardless of what the powers-that-be would have you believe.
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MAP posted-by: Jackl