Pubdate: Sun, 26 May 2002
Source: Greenwich Time (CT)
Copyright: 2002, Southern Connecticut Newspapers, Inc
Contact:  http://www.greenwichtime.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/697
Author: Ray Hogan
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth)

KEEP TALKING TO YOUR KIDS

Teen drinking and drugging, inevitable rites of passage or behaviors 
that can be avoided? No one quibbles with the fact that teen access 
to alcohol and drugs is ridiculously easy. But according to a recent 
survey, open communication between parent and child plays a critical 
role in that child's decisions regarding drinking, drinking and 
driving, using drugs and sex.

This hopeful conclusion was reached in a study conducted by Students 
Against Destructive Decisions/Students Against Drunk Driving and the 
insurance company Liberty Mutual Group. If the lines of communication 
between parent and child are open, these statistics show that 
children are more likely to avoid destructive decision-making.

"The fact is that parents have tremendous influence on their children 
throughout their teenage years and kids are looking for that power to 
be exercised," says Stephen Wallace, chairman and chief executive 
officer of SADD. "Kids also send adults mixed messages. They put on 
the facade of not wanting parental oversight, but they really do want 
those things. It's been found throughout our research. Kids face a 
conflicting task at adolescence: They need to become independent but 
are in some pretty choppy waters that require some support from their 
parents."

The study polled 500 teens, classifying them into avoiders, 
experimenters and repeaters:

* Avoiders are more likely than repeaters to say they have open and 
honest communication with their parents.

* Repeaters are significantly less likely than experimenters or 
avoiders to say it is important to them to live up to their parents' 
expectations regarding drinking, sex and drugs.

* In regards to alcohol, 44 percent of repeaters find it important to 
live up to their parents' expectations while 75 percent of 
experimenters found it important.

* Fifty-three percent of parents agree that drinking is a part of 
growing up and that teens will drink no matter what.

"A lot of parents think when their kids become teenagers they can't 
influence their children's choices, but our data makes it clear that 
they can," Wallace says. "Our research points out that kids who spend 
time with their parents and have a close relationship are 
overwhelmingly less likely to drink, use drugs or have sex."

This doesn't mean that a high school student will never take a drink 
or experiment with drugs. Rather, it says, effective parenting can 
curtail a pattern.

Area experts agree with the thrust of the study, and offer additional 
advice for parents.

"Adolescence is a time when kids have to develop their own 
independent identities," says Kurt Sperling, a licensed clinical 
social worker in Greenwich who specializes in adults and teenagers. 
"Kids who have no other outlet for individual expression such as 
sports or art, they'll often go to drugs or alcohol to separate 
themselves from their families. Kids who have healthy interests 
outside the family are less likely to use alcohol and drugs because 
their self-esteem is being fed by these outside activities."

Lisa Hira, 17, a senior at Westhill High School in Stamford, believes 
the issue of teen drinking/drugging is inflated. While she would 
classify the majority of her classmates as experimenters, she 
believes today's teens aren't nearly as destructive as they're made 
out to be.

"I think that it's a lot more overblown," she says. "The majority of 
us are not as into (drinking/drugging) as much as people would like 
to believe. We've been given enough information that we make pretty 
informed decisions.

Barry Halpin, a prevention specialist for LMG Programs, a private, 
nonprofit recovery and prevention organization in Fairfield County, 
agrees with both the study and Hira's observations.

"If a child knows the parents' expectations and they are realistic 
and there are conversations about them that include repercussions, 
most children will obey those parameters if they are deemed 
acceptable," he says. "Kids who have a communication and accept the 
parameters don't want to disappoint their parents. (Adolescence) is 
time for experimentation in general for kids. Developmentally, they 
are trying to find out who they are. Family is important but not as 
important as their peer group or their friends."

"There are some parents who view it as inevitable and acknowledge 
that there is a widespread availability of a variety of substances to 
teenagers," says Sperling. "It doesn't mean it's inevitable but 
there's exposure to it. Teens can get their hands on anything they 
want if they know who to ask. Anyone who believes otherwise has their 
head in the sand. It's been that way for a very long time."

Although drinking is illegal for teens but legal for adults if they 
aren't driving, parents must lead by example, area experts say.

"Model behavior you want your children to have," says Donna Phillips, 
a professor in the division of counseling and human resources at the 
University of Bridgeport. "If we use drugs or alcohol 
inappropriately, that is going to model to our children exactly what 
we don't want to model. Open lines of communication vary from stage 
to stage. If you start when they're young, they may turn you off as 
teens but they're still listening. Before communication, we have to 
listen to our children. If we really want them to listen to us, we 
really have to listen to them, physically, spiritually and 
intellectually. We have to model a strong value system. We model 
every day and most of our values are caught, not taught.

"Kids will pay attention to their parents' actions, not their words," 
Sperling says.

The SADD study also provided tips that teens say would help them make 
wiser decisions if their parents were to employ them. They include 
initiating dialogue about decision-making, staying up until teens 
return home, enforcing curfews, requiring teens to sleep at home, 
calling friends' parents to ensure supervision, asking teens to 
'check in' by telephone, and enforcing consequences for misbehavior.

Hira says she always informs her mom where she'll be at night, but 
doesn't see the need for a curfew or an evening phone call. Phillips 
says parents can't fear their role.

"Don't be afraid to parent," she says. "When we are living in fear of 
our children we can't parent with honesty and love. If we can live 
without fear of rejection, some day they will come around if we've 
been loving parents."
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