Pubdate: Thu, 02 Jan 2003 Source: New Times (CA) Section: The Shredder Copyright: 2003 New Times Contact: http://www.newtimesslo.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1277 Related: http://www.mapinc.org/drugnews/v02/n2032/a13.html BUNCHA DOPES [ sidebar: FYI: Don't say I didn't warn you. ] After the U.N. weapons inspectors left my house lastnight, I decided it might be a good time to be honest about things for once. I think the same could be said of recently-put-out-to-pasture SLO Police Chief Jim Gardiner. Jim should just admit he smoked the marijuana he confiscated and be done with it. No one will mind - it's not like he's the chief of police or something. He's just like you and me, who sometimes do things we know we shouldn't, but go ahead anyway just because it's fuuuuuuun. Jim's final days haven't been very fun for Donovan No Runner. If you're getting tired of reading here what I think about Donovan and his pot, join Jim. He's sick of it, too - no doubt because it's a really dumb way to close the door on his illustrious cop career. Right on his big toe. Ouch. That's gotta hurt. To recap: Donovan No Runner smokes marijuana. His doctor says he can. State law says that if Doc says, then that says it and there's nothing more to say. The State Supreme Court has ruled that people like Donovan have the legal right to smoke medical marijuana, ha ha, and there's nothing you narcs can do about it. To recap further: Yes they can. And they did. The SLOPD took away Donovan's dope in a manner that suggests it's going to start choosing what laws to enforce, and you know the rest of the story. If you don't, keep reading. If you do, go have a brewski, then come back at the end of this column - there's a new development you may find interesting. No, really. So anyway, after Jim and the SLO County District Attorneys Office decided to take the law into their own hands - something you don't see every day - by keeping Donovan's dope, they essentially told the State Supreme Court to go suck eggs and be sure not to get any on those nice black robes. Then Donovan went to court to get it back and Judge Barry LaBarbara presided over this farcical flap with the sort of decorum it has no right to expect. Give the guy his reefer back, said LaBarbara. No way, said the lawbreakers. So then - I have to stop a moment to clarify something I said earlier. You think you're sick of reading about this? Well, I'm sick of writing about it. But it's not my fault. It's my duty. I mean, have you heard anything about this case from any other local news source besides this one? Nope. And that's really weird because it's a great story. Think about it. Here we've got the cops and the DA defying a judge - who used to be the DA - over a health-and-drugs issue involving a guy who, after having his stash trashed, hires a slick lawyer and takes the cops to court, then camps out on the courthouse lawn in protest, and is ultimately victorious, but remains thwarted by a recalcitrant DA and a departing police chief who thumbs his nose at justice as his final comment on the law he'd sworn to uphold, lo these many years, leaving the mess for his successor to clean up. Wow, sounds like something right out of "Law & Order." Why do you think no other media have covered it? At first I thought maybe they were smart and we were dumb for once, that maybe because it's not all that interesting or relevant. Then, right when I was about to tell the editor what an idiot he was, Time magazine saves my job by unleashing an in-depth cover story about the whole medical marijuana controversy that's raging across every corner of the nation right now, except for SLO County, it would appear, at least according to the Tribune and KSBY, both of which seem to think the aforementioned is just a big yawner not worth aforementioning. I guess they figure if they don't report it, it didn't happen. Sorry, guys. Not so. Where was I? Oh, right. So Jim and the DA were laughing at LaBarbara for thinking he's got any say in this matter just because it's a state law or something. After handing down his decision, Hizzoner wondered aloud why the city and county thought they had a dog in this hunt, when the only one who "could have a place in this action" would be the federal government, and they weren't anywhere to be seen. Apparently nobody told the pot thieves that they were in a state court. You'd think Jim would have known that. As for what's going to happen to Donovan's dope, the answer remains as elusive as my paycheck on alternate Fridays. Jim told LaBarbara he wanted 30 days to "think about" the matter, and that when he cleaned out his desk, he didn't find it, but that it's around somewhere, then he added that it was in good condition the last time he "inspected" it, which I think is the latest teen code word for "smoked some truly killer reefer." Come on, Jim, out with it. I won't tell anyone. But since his forthrightness wasn't forthcoming, I gave up getting him to fess up, so he just handed in his keys to the police station, leaving Donovan and LaBarbara and me wondering whether the new police chief, Deborah Linden, will think as much of the law as Jim. - --- MAP posted-by: Jo-D