Pubdate: Mon, 17 Nov 2003
Source: Parklander, The (CN AB)
Copyright: 2003 Hinton Parklander
Contact:  http://www.hintonparklander.com
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/782
Author: Jodi Dolinsky

THE REAL FACE OF A METH SURVIVOR

Hinton Parklander - As I anticipated my interview with *Christine, a 
reformed meth addict, I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.

I imagined sitting down in a small apartment, with someone tired and 
weathered from years of abuse, who would apprehensively answer my 
prefabricated questions in a clinical exchange.

I arrived at Christine's address, a house, where her and her young child 
live. From our first meeting she was friendly, forthright and made me feel 
like an invited guest. We sat across from one another at a kitchen table in 
a pristinely clean house. Her young child played around us, and between 
pockets of her story, she would engage and praise him with a calmness and 
patience I certainly don't have.

My notions of this woman were squashed and I forgot about my prefabricated 
questions, as she told her tale.

Falling in love with the high

She was in fact raised well by all accounts, a big home, two parents, 
siblings and an emphasis on education that still is prominent in her life 
today. Christine was an honour-roll student, a kid that spent summers at 
space camp, a student that was well liked by teachers. But there was also a 
fascination with the drug culture and its icons, like Jim Morrison.

In her mid teens Christine started to use alcohol, then pot. Meth wasn't 
available in her high school at the time. Then, while away at university 
she started trying drugs...all kinds of drugs. Her status as a straight-A 
student started to decline but the drugs were so fun, and her grades 
remained adequate enough to not be a problem.

During her first Christmas holiday from university she returned to Hinton, 
and tried meth, or speed as she refers to it, for the first time. She 
instantly fell in love with the high.

She describes it as "taking over the whole being, a feeling of well being, 
total empowerment".

Back at university she again had no access to speed and couldn't find an 
alternative drug that would equivocate the sensation. When she returned to 
Hinton again in the summer, she resumed her meth use and drank, "a lot".

A second year of university went by, again no meth. But it too was followed 
by another summer of abuse in Hinton. "My grades are ok, I'm holding down a 
job, I'm young, it's what I'm suppose to do," is what she told her family, 
and herself. Writing in a journal her plan, "Use drugs until 23, stop, get 
degree and continue with life." The plan quickly changed.

A life off-track

By the end of the second summer Christine decided not to return to 
University. Although not the main reason, the lack of access to meth 
certainly contributed to this decision. Growing up she believed that after 
high school you go to university. That's just what happens. Now, the 
lifelong belief and plan had disappeared.

Through a number of events Christine was now living in a "drug house," with 
her friends, "using" everyday. The highs were not as fun as they once were. 
One day after and estimated 12 to 14 consecutive days awake, hallucinations 
were so bad she was unable to differentiate between the effects of the 
drugs and reality. "What I was experiencing was terrifying," she said.

The incident prompted her to stop using for a few weeks. She mostly slept 
and was, otherwise angry and difficult to be around. Soon she convinced 
herself that she was young and fine, and resumed her drug use.

But now using meth seemed different, the hallucinations became more 
frequent, came on easier, and the high had a negative feel about it. It was 
no longer fun at all.

"We wanted what real people had," she said, adding that she and her 
friends, did not believe their lives were real.

By now, living with her user boyfriend, she was not working. For an 
extended period she existed this way, not eating properly, loosing weight 
and generally was malnourished. She was miserable but also knew herself to 
be an emotional person, and thought her array of moods and feelings were 
just her personality. Back when she was "using" there wasn't the 
information available on meth regarding how it plays with your moods. The 
drug exaggerated her feelings and overwhelmingly fearful of her boyfriend 
and his violent temper, she decided she had to stop using.

She chose to leave

One day she accepted willingly an invitation from her dad for dinner. She 
was confronted and worked over by her family but had already made a 
decision that she should try to stop using.

A few days later Christine called her dad to tell him she was leaving the 
drug house. Her dad was overjoyed. He told her that she had been booked 
into rehab and asked if she would go. To her family's surprise she agreed 
and a week later was attending AADAC sessions. She remains drug free today 
through great support of family and organisations here in Hinton.

Now, years later, Christine has returned to the plan. She returned to 
school, she has a professional job, and raises her child with kindness and 
honesty. Her cantor and openess surprised me, as I found myself feeling at 
home in this woman's house. This woman who is young, fresh faced and coming 
forward with her story in an effort to make people aware. Aware that meth 
users are average people, not a stereo type.

When I asked Christine what her message was she rubbed her face and seemed 
exasperated. "I don't have the answers, I wish I did," she said. From my 
point of view her story is her message, and the message is that meth users 
can stop, and full, normal lives can resume.

There are people and organizations in this community that are prepared to 
assist people in their recovery and ongoing battle to remain drug free. * 
the name in this story has been changed to protect the identity of our source.
- ---
MAP posted-by: Larry Stevens