Pubdate: Tue, 04 Mar 2003
Source: Laurel Leader-Call (MS)
Copyright: 2003 Laurel Leader-Call
Contact:  http://www.leadercall.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1662
Author: Lois Bancroft

THERE IS HELP FOR FAMILIES WITH KIDS ON DRUGS

This is the story of a child who could easily have reached the ultimate 
rock-bottom. We are writing it because she didn't, and because we know the 
story is all too common. There many good parents among the readership of 
this paper. By "good" we mean those who actively support their children's 
schools, stand in the rain at soccer games, create good fun and cherished 
memories at family gatherings, welcome their children's friends into their 
home. The terrible truth is that the world of these parents and their 
children can be turned 180 degrees in a very short time, from contentment 
to hell. It happened to us.

Our little girl got along well with her peers. Despite a little shyness, 
she had special close friends. She took jazz and tap dance and piano 
lessons. She loved to sing, alone and with a choir. She was in the top 
percentile of her class in school and did her homework with no more than 
the usual complaining. She took responsibility for pets, including her horse.

The downward spiral began when she was about 12, with symptoms we ascribed 
as long as we could to the normal onset of adolescence: dropping grades, 
schoolwork that didn't get turned-in, loss of interest in her hobbies and 
friends and, a few times, evidence of experimentation with cigarettes. By 
the time she was 16, we were finding cigarettes by the pack, sleeping with 
one eye open to keep her from sneaking out at night, learning that she was 
skipping classes two or three times a week, realizing her answer to queries 
about her whereabouts and activities would inevitably be a lie, dealing 
with anger and foul language on a daily basis, finally realizing that she 
was coming home stoned on marijuana she could get any time from a local 
high-school dropout and drug dealer. Her former friends identified her new 
friends as "the losers". Now we were hiding money and car keys, and often 
looking for her all over town.

During this stormy time we tried every conceivable discipline strategy, 
sought counseling, tried to enlist help from her school. We were not 
overly-indulgent, lenient about discipline, or reluctant to address and 
resolve conflicts. But we were failing. Our family now fit the profile of 
"dysfunctional."

We went from worrying about getting our daughter through school to fearing 
for her very life. We knew her self-destructive activities were going to 
continue, that nothing we could do would stop her. Her lies were getting 
more sophisticated. She was drinking and smoking marijuana and cigarettes 
regularly. She assured us she could count on her new friends to hide her if 
she ran away, and she threatened often to run away. She identified herself 
with a youth subculture here; in a community thought by many to be "safe" 
its influence was powerful and pervasive. Our attempts to intervene were 
not enough. Our prayers were not enough.

We considered all options. We believed, for example, that a 3-month 
wilderness program would return her too quickly to succeed. We rejected the 
idea of letting the legal system have her. We wanted so much to free her, 
to send her someplace where her peers could not reach her, where she would 
have the time and help she needed to regain her self-respect and recover 
her strengths. We sought advice and searched the internet for months, and 
finally found the residential treatment program we needed.

Our daughter is thriving now. She is talking seriously about future goals, 
excelling academically and socially, taking leadership roles in a new and 
positive community of kids. Most important, she is at peace with herself 
demonstrating inner happiness, her old exuberance and love of life. We miss 
her terribly, but she will soon attain a level that will allow her to 
return home, equipped with the skills she will need to avoid deadly habits 
and the wrong friends.

A professional counselor has helped us through this painful time, and we 
are part of a parents' group that meets regularly to work on their own 
issues, preparing to provide the best possible support when their children 
come home. If our story is something like yours, we refer you, with 
permission, to our "angel," D. Dalton at 1-800-637-0701, ext. 102, contact 
code: BANCROFT/31CCON. The website is www.teenagers-at-risk.com.

Lois Bancroft

Stanwood, Wash.
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MAP posted-by: Alex