Pubdate: Tue, 28 Dec 2004
Source: Holland Sentinel (MI)
Copyright: 2004 The Holland Sentinel
Contact:  http://www.thehollandsentinel.net/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1145
Author: Dr. Robert Wallace, Syndicated Columnist
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth)

SOMETIMES DOING WHAT'S RIGHT EXACTS A HIGH COST

Dr. Wallace: I think you made a huge mistake when you
advised a 13-year-old to tell her parents on her
16-year-old sister who was smoking marijuana and
thinking about trying cocaine with her boyfriend. She
was told by her parents to stop seeing this guy, but
she was sneaking around and seeing him without her
parents' knowing about it. She told her sister
everything, but made her promise she wouldn't tell her parents.

You told her to break the promise and be a tattletale. Once I was a
tattletale and it brought me nothing but grief.

When I was 14, I saw our stepfather sexually molesting my younger
sister. When I told my mother, she said I was dreaming. It couldn't
have happened. I then went down to the police station and, to make a
long, sad story short, our stepfather was arrested and wound up in
prison. It seemed that he had molested other young children years
before. When he was arrested, my mother blamed me and from that moment
on she shut me out of her life. She treated me like I didn't exist.

I am now 31 and I haven't talked with my mother in 13 years. She
refuses to talk to me. I am now sorry that I told the police about my
stepfather. I lost a mother because I did. - Michelle, San Francisco

Michelle: I'm deeply sorry to hear about what you went
through. Don't demean your own courageous actions by
calling yourself a "tattletale." Sometimes doing the
right thing comes with a high cost, but what if you
hadn't acted? Your stepfather's sexual molestation
would have continued and might have destroyed your
younger sister's life. You also protected unknown other
children who might have been this man's future victims.

You are a hero, Michelle. Your mother just doesn't know it yet. She's
still in denial and has chosen to blame you for the misdeeds of her
husband, despite the damning evidence that convicted him. It is my
hope that she reads this column, comes to her senses and makes contact
with you.

Just as I would have advised you to take the action that you did, I
stand firm in my answer to the girl whose older sister was flirting
with dangerous drugs and hanging out with a predatory boyfriend. The
sister was headed for disaster, and the girl's silence about it would
have paved the way.

Teens: American 15-year-olds tested below their
counterparts in other industrialized nations in overall
math literacy, the Program for International Student
Assessment recently announced. But the results are a
little misleading.

One of the major reasons why U.S. students, on average, do not score
well on international tests is because of the inclusive philosophy of
American educators. We work hard to educate all our students and do
not overlook the needs of those who speak English as a second language
or have other issues that demand special attention. Our top math
students score at the same level as the brightest students in other
countries.

Note: Dr. Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable
to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as
possible in this column. Write to Dr. Wallace in care of this
newspaper.
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MAP posted-by: Derek