Pubdate: Thu, 26 Feb 2004 Source: Palo Alto Weekly (CA) Copyright: 2004 Embarcadero Publishing Company. Contact: http://www.paloaltoonline.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/334 Author: Deborah Kurland BLESSINGS CAN FLOW FROM FAMILY TRAUMA OF ALCOHOL/DRUG ADDICTION A year and a half ago my son, Max, shared his personal struggle with alcohol addiction with readers of the Palo Alto Weekly (Oct. 9, 2002). He is now 21, and a clean-and-sober college junior who is thriving intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. As a deeply grateful mother, I would like to share what I have learned along the way. For a long time I was totally overwhelmed with what Max and our family was experiencing. His drinking was out-of-control. I was frightened, anxious and incapable of resolving this situation. What made me feel even worse was that I was a medical social worker, yet I felt totally incompetent. My husband, Fred, and I had many discussions with Max about drinking and its consequences. We paid close attention to Max's whereabouts but could not control his drinking. It was only when he had a second round of lengthy treatment that he was able to fully grasp what was happening to him, affording him the choice to stop his destructive behavior. But Max wasn't the only one needing treatment. After individual counseling and priceless emotional support from dear friends, family and other professionals, I too have developed a much more comprehensive understanding of addiction, and myself. We made the difficult decision to share our story openly in the hope that other struggling families might identify with our story. I say to parents, "If you feel something is wrong in your household, trust your gut. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Your child's life may be at risk." Addiction is such a powerful and cunning disease that treatment needs to happen on many levels. But due to funding cuts there are few adolescent inpatient 28-day treatment programs in California, or elsewhere -- the kind shown to be among the most effective for treatment. We were able to send Max to the Hazelden Center in Minnesota, where he began learning about the disease of addiction through education, reading, lectures, and individual and group therapy. We joined him for an intensive four-day family program. I sobbed my way through most of it, facing the fact that our son had a near-death experience that was also a chronic illness -- and it was going to be up to him to get better. I felt frightened, vulnerable, helpless and inadequate as a parent. I knew Max was experiencing great pain, guilt and shame. I ached for him, myself, our entire family. I learned we did not cause his addiction, nor could we cure it -- but we could learn how not to "enable" Max's drinking and how it was paramount for him to learn how to manage his disease and take responsibility for his own recovery. We improved communication skills within our family and each of us grew individually. We learned why 12-step programs for the alcoholic and family members are so important in providing support in coping with the stresses of this disease. Following Hazelden and three months at a halfway house, Max came home. It was an excruciatingly painful time for us. Without the support of Hazelden, he relapsed after several months -- not uncommon during recovery. He entered Sequoia Treatment and Recovery Program in Redwood City and moved into a sober-living environment for the next year, where he found the support and companionship he needed. We all have been engaged in personal healing and growth. As part of my own recovery, I have learned how important it is to be involved. I have become an advisory board member of the National Council of Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) in Silicon Valley, a non-profit agency that focuses on education and prevention. We conducted letter-writing campaigns to local and state politicians to fight funding cuts and promote health-insurance parity for alcohol and drug treatment. Last year NCADD teamed with Palo Alto's teen recreation program to host a dance and health fair on available resources. I also am a member of the school district's Alcohol and Drug Committee, school and community leaders dedicated to launching a proactive prevention program this spring. April is Alcohol Awareness Month, but lives are devastated and families destroyed all year due to alcohol and substance abuse. I have learned that no disease scars the American landscape more than addiction. Every year, one in four premature deaths is addiction-related. The annual cost to taxpayers is $400 billion -- six times more than America's number one killer, heart disease. Yet private health plans still discriminate against drug and alcohol treatment, even though studies by the National Institute on Drug Abuse show that treatment works, reducing overall drug use by nearly 60 percent. I learned never to give up. I learned to seek help and support -- many compassionate people have helped our family along the way. Words cannot express how deeply grateful I am that our son is in recovery. I am in recovery, too -- sleeping well and involved in purposeful, meaningful work. I have made enough sense out of everything that has transpired and I feel hopeful that we can handle whatever comes our way. I just pray I am able to give back what has been given to me, and I feel blessed. Deborah L. Kurland, LCSW, is a medical social worker with Satellite Dialysis Center, Inc., a member of the Advisory Board of the National Council of Alcoholism and Drug Dependence and a member of Palo Alto School District Alcohol and Drug Committee. - --- MAP posted-by: Larry Seguin