Pubdate: Tue, 04 May 2004 Source: Bangkok Post (Thailand) Copyright: The Post Publishing Public Co., Ltd. 2004 Contact: http://www.bangkokpost.co.th/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/39 Author: Sanitsuda Ekachai AGAINST ALL ODDS Despite her struggle with cancer, social worker Suthasinee Noiin continues to devote herself to children and adults with HIV/Aids, as well as those suffering from drug addiction When Suthasinee Noiin hit rock bottom, she was saved by the selfless love received during her critical moments. That is why the social worker, despite cancer pains, is determined to make each of her remaining days ones of giving. ''This is my last home,'' said the frail 48-year-old social worker, sitting in the warm morning sun in front of Home Hug _ in the Isan dialect, the words ''home hug'' translate roughly into ''centre of love'' _ surrounded by small children who are considered social outcasts elsewhere because they have HIV and Aids. Suthasinee just sold her family house in Bangkok to support the centre that she founded for abandoned Aids orphans in Tambon Tadthong, Yasothon province. Apart from the more than 60 Aids orphans and abandoned children, the small place also takes care of six Aids patients and seven drug-addicted youngsters. ''No, I'm not the one who is the giver,'' she said humbly. ''They're the ones who give me my life now. Because of them, because they need me, I have the energy to live.'' A girl toddler slept peacefully on her lap. Nearby a group of small children had fun drawing. Laughter filled the air, competing with the sound of guitars from a group of teenagers. The happy sight belied the turbulent years that Suthasinee and her Home Hug centre have been through over the past decade. Her troubles have included false allegations of drug use, lawsuits, dwindling funds, work overload, the death of her beloved father and a fatal accident that killed nine teenagers undergoing rehabilitation at the centre. All of it happened during the same year: 1997. ''It was nightmare,'' she recalled. Born and bred in Bangkok, the children's rights activist started her work for needy children in Yasothon in 1989, focusing on child workers. ''I found that when these child workers returned home, they often came back with drug problems,'' she said. ''So I set up a rehabilitation home in 1992.'' Unlike most rehabilitation centres, hers did not use chemicals to wean addicts off drug addiction. ''We used psychological means, because only one's will can break the urge, not chemicals,'' she said with conviction. She spoke from her own experience. ''My father was my hero, but he had another family and in my teen years I had to do everything to win his love and attention, to no avail,'' she said, her eyes dimming with hurt that was still fresh. When the pain became unbearable, young Suthasinee sought solace in drugs, culminating in heroin. Her mother's unconditional love saved her. ''She never condemned me. She stood by my side, doing all she could do with her boundless love and kindness to nurture me back.'' Suthasinee said she kept herself locked in a room for three days to beat the drug urge _ and succeeded. At her rehabilitation centre in Yasothon, Suthasinee uses the same loving care a mother would resort to with troubled youngsters. Her method takes time and patience, but she said about 80 percent of the kids permanently kick the habit, resume schooling and return to a normal life. Meantime, in addition to drug problems, she discovered that migrant workers often returned home sick with HIV and Aids. Her Home Hug centre thus started educating families on how to care for HIV/Aids patients. The centre also works with schools and communities to rid them of discrimination, especially against Aids orphans. She soon realised that society was not as sympathetic as she was. Handicrafts and sweets made by HIV/Aids patients with support from the centre were shunned. Aids orphans that the centre sent to local schools were abused and harassed. The real storm hit when Home Hug, frequented by troubled teenagers, was viewed by state authorities as a drug den. She faced legal charges after the urine of some of children tested positive for the presence of drugs. ''They didn't understand that its takes time and understanding for kids to quit drugs,'' she said. During this time of trouble, she was disillusioned that the same officials who had once sought her help on matters like Aids and drug rehabilitation were now treating her like a plague. ''I became angry and hostile, which in turn made those people more antagonistic,'' she said. Her father, the main financial supporter of Home Hug, passed away that year from a heart attack. Suthasinee blamed herself, believing he was stressed by the lawsuits she faced. The economic crisis the same year worsened the home's financial burdens. Then another tragedy hit. A group of nine teenagers who were rehabilitating at the centre and who were helping her as volunteers taking care of some of the 40 Aids orphans were killed in a car crash on their way to a weekend class. Suthasinee suspected that it was not an accident _ the children carried too many secrets that could have threatened drug pushers in the area. But there was nothing she could do to prove her suspicions. The series of tragedies almost made her lose her mind. ''I couldn't understand,'' she said, describing her feelings of self-pity and doubt. 0 ''I thought I had devoted all my life to helping others without asking anything in return. Yet so many bad things happened to me. I kept asking, Why me? Why me?'' Feeling alone, betrayed, abandoned, Suthasinee said she started drinking and became increasingly agitated. ''I wanted to die. I felt like driving to into a 10-wheel truck to kill myself.'' She paused, not because of fatigue, but because of the strong emotions evoked by the past. Then she smiled at her own foolishness. ''I thought if I died, then society would realise it had lost a good person _ that was the mental state I was in.'' It was the faces of the little children at Home Hug that pulled her back from those black moments, she said. ''They reminded me that I had duties to perform.'' The dark skies seemed to open up _ but only temporarily. A priest from the Lovers of the Cross of Ubon Ratchathani offered help. She said he had learned of her drug rehabilitation work from a story in the Bangkok Post's Outlook section. He sent two sisters to help manage the centre. Two young volunteers Ponsaifar Chaisamdang and Phatcharin Pokpong, both 27, also came into her life, dedicating themselves to a cause that Suthasinee believed in. ''I have faith in her because we share the same faith in children,'' said Ponsaifar. ''We wanted to see the smiles on these children's faces so we had to help each other.'' Their dedication made her come to her senses, said Suthasinee. ''I told myself myself to shape up. If I let myself drown in my own unhappiness, there would be no one to guide and train these two young women with big hearts.'' Meanwhile, she started developing stomach pains. In 2000, she was diagnosed with intestinal cancer. Her world suddenly turned dark again. ''I couldn't accept it. I couldn't talk about it, couldn't even mention that 'C' word. I looked like a wreck and people started gossiping that I had contracted Aids.'' Despite loving care from her assistants, her health remained critical. An intensive natural healing course in Chiang Mai did not help. ''Because the mind is the master. When the mind is down, one's health cannot improve,'' she said. She decided to return to Yasothon. ''I thought if death was inevitable, I should die with the work I love.'' Miraculously, her health improved. ''Having to look after the ill and the dying until 10pm every day, I had no time to worry about myself.'' Touched by the assistants' selflessness, she told herself she had to be strong for fear of worrying them since they were already working very hard to care for the children and patients. But recently, her health took a sudden turn for the worse, to the point where it seemed obvious that she was going to die. A funeral ceremony was prepared. She was saved by an infant, she said. ''She was screaming in the middle of the night _ I tried to call my assistants, but they were too tired to wake up, so I had to feed her myself. I was bed-ridden, but I surprised myself by being able to move to her, prepare the milk, hold her and feed her. That baby taught me the power of the mind over one's body.'' The following morning, Suthasinee started walking again. ''We can do anything if our mind is strong,'' she said. It also helps if the mind is still, she added. Again, she said she owed it to the patients at Home Hug. ''Death is at our fingertips. We talk about it, choose our coffins together, prepare ourselves and accept the inevitable without resistance.'' This calm acceptance brings serenity, she said. Suthasinee is now strong enough to move about with a walker and to supervise the work going on. ''Every morning, a knock on my door from my assistants and the sounds of the children tell me I have to get up, if only for their sake. That's why I say that they're the ones who keep me alive.'' There are still many things to tend to, she added. Many Aids orphans arrive with deep emotional wounds from endless rejections. Some refuse to talk, some are withdrawn, others are overly aggressive. Many can't adjust to school. Some are slow learners who can't keep up in class, due to long neglect and lack of readiness for school. They need tutors who understand such children _ ''But that remains wishful thinking,'' Suthasinee said. The centre has heavy financial burdens. Having been turned away by state hospitals, its HIV patients must seek treatment at private hospitals that are far more expensive. The new school term is also approaching and the children need new books, uniforms and stationary. The centre requires more than 100,000 baht a month to run, she said. Help has started to come thanks to the popular Khon Kon Khon TV documentary that ran a piece on the centre. ''It feels good to know that society is still kind to the kids we look after,'' she said. ''Children need love and nurturing,'' she said. ''Unloved children will grow up hostile to society. If we don't help them, we have only ourselves to blame. ''There are children who need understanding everywhere. Look for them. Don't give them just pity. Give them understanding and support. They need help, and you can help.'' Info for donations: - - Name of organisation: Suthasinee Noiin for Children and Youth Foundation - - Contact person: Suthasinee Noiin - - Address: 3 Moo 12, Ban Prachasan, Tambon Tadthong, Amphoe Muang, Yasothon - - Telephone: (045) 722-241, 01-075-4953, 01-062-3873 or 07-053-4736 - - Bank info: Siam Commercial Bank, Yasothon branch, savings account name ''Suthasinee Noiin for Children and Youth Foundation'', savings account number 561-2-21187-7; or Thai Military Bank, savings account name ''Suthasinee Noiin for Children and Youth Foundation'', savings account number 437-2-13090-8 ''We care'' is a fortnightly series honouring people who believe in giving. In addition to supporting these causes, you can let us know about people who unselfishly help others so we can make more people aware of their efforts. Fax ''We care'' on 02-240-3668 or call 02-240-3700 ext 3208 or 3212. Email can be sent to For a comprehensive list of charities covered by Outlook's ''We Care'' series, see the Bangkok Post Web site at www.bangkokpost.net/outlookwecare. - --- MAP posted-by: Jo-D