Pubdate: Tue, 25 May 2004
Source: Daily Times, The (TN)
Copyright: 2004 Horvitz Newspapers
Contact:  http://www.thedailytimes.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1455
Author: Steve Wildsmith
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/rehab.htm (Treatment)

GETTING REAL HELPS KEEP ADDICTION IN CHECK

For someone with no exposure to or experience with recovery, walking
into a 12-Step meeting can be a little overwhelming.

Newcomers hear all sorts of slogans, clichés and terms that, while
commonly used by those in recovery, may seem like a foreign language
to everyone else. My best advice is this -- just listen.

Listen to the things those in recovery share in meetings. I haven't
found anyplace on earth where individuals get so brutally honest about
themselves -- their feelings, their actions, their successes, their
failures, their hopes and dreams and fears.

In recovery, we share these things in a group setting for a number of
reasons, the biggest being that it opens us up to love, support and
advice from those who may have already experienced the things we're
dealing with. We share things that might seem painful to reveal -- an
encounter with a co-worker that ended in an ugly argument, for
example, or a vengeful outlash at an ex-lover where we slashed tires
- -- because we have to get honest about what's going on in our lives.

Our secrets are what keep us sick. Most people in recovery come to the
rooms burdened with such guilt and shame that using drugs is the only
way we know to cope with what we keep buried inside. Using drugs
allows us to remain numb, and if we're numb, we don't have to think
about the things we've done or the things that have happened to us.

Sharing those secrets with others can give us profound relief. Most of
us are scared to death, at first, to let others know what we've done
or how we think and feel, because we're so afraid of being judged. We
loathe ourselves, and we naturally expect others to condemn us for our
secrets.

But once we find the courage to unburden ourselves, something
remarkable happens: We receive the gift of unconditional love.

By sharing our sick thoughts and actions, we find that we're not alone
- -- our peers in recovery may have done the exact same things, or
thought the exact same way. Most of the time, we discover this is true
- -- or we may be shocked to learn that they've done worse things.

Recovery is about acceptance -- of ourselves and others. We don't
judge, and we certainly don't condemn. Newcomers enter the rooms
feeling ashamed. Most of the time, they remain quiet, sitting in the
corner and feeling like outcasts. Often, they don't understand why the
rest of us are laughing and joking and cutting up before a meeting.

What they don't see is how those of us who have been in recovery a
while looked and felt when we first came to the program. By and large,
we felt the exact same way -- reluctant, fearful and mistrustful. The
difference between then and now is that we stuck around and listened.
We saw the power that 12-Step recovery has, because we saw it working
in the lives of others.

Gradually, we came to view the rooms of recovery as a refuge. Once we
opened up, many of our secrets came spilling out like water over a
levee after a spring deluge. Once we realized we weren't going to be
exiled or made to feel ashamed, we found the courage we needed to let
go of the pain we had carried around for so long.

Today, I look forward to going to meetings. The rooms of recovery are
my safe haven, the place I know I can go to find a sympathetic ear, a
comforting hug or a kick in the butt whenever I need them -- and
sometimes, I need all three.

Even after some clean time, life's problems don't magically disappear.
And as a drug addict, I have to remain forever vigilant when dealing
with life on life's terms -- because it would be all too easy to stop
reaching out, to stop sharing, and go back to my old ways of dealing
with pain and turmoil.

Recovery, and the opportunity it gives me to share the triumphs and
the tragedies of my life, has shown me a better way. All I have to do
is keep coming back, and the rest will take care of itself.
- ---
MAP posted-by: Larry Seguin