Pubdate: Mon, 07 Jun 2004
Source: Daily Times, The (TN)
Copyright: 2004 Horvitz Newspapers
Contact:  http://www.thedailytimes.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1455
Author: Steve Wildsmith

CONCEPTS OF RECOVERY NOT LIMITED TO ADDICTS

My good friend and colleague, Darren, likes to tag along to my recovery
meetings occasionally.

He's not an addict; back in college, he was usually the sober guy looking
out for my crazy hide. Back then, we joked that his Indian name would be
``Darren Two Beers,'' because that's all it took to get him goofy. It still
applies today.

No, Darren goes when he's feeling stressed or down. Many 12 Step recovery
meetings are open to anyone, and when Darren goes, he says that listening to
a group of recovering drug addicts puts his life in perspective.

``You guys deal with life and death on a daily basis,'' he told me one time.
``It makes whatever I'm going through seem trivial by comparison.''

That might be a tad melodramatic, but it's certainly applicable. For us,
using a drug or taking a drink is like playing Russian roulette, because we
never know whether we'll make it back to the rooms of recovery. Those of us
who have been around for a while have been to more than one funeral of
someone we knew.

But it's not all gloom and doom at our meetings. We're not white-knuckling
it through every day, unable to stop obsessing about drugs. Most of us did
at first, but the longer we remain abstinent, the more recovery becomes
about changing our ways of life and our patterns of thinking. We learn
mental and emotional ``tools'' that help us walk a more responsible,
compassionate and spiritual path.

But we're not greedy -- those ``tools'' can be used by anyone. I was
reflecting on that the other day -- how certain principles of recovery can
be applied by anyone to make their lives more manageable. Here's a few we
practice on a daily basis:

* Powerlessness. When I recognize that I'm absolutely powerless over other
people and events, life becomes so much easier to accept. When I get
frustrated or impatient or angry, most of the time it's because things
aren't going the way that I want them to. A fellow recovering addict likes
to tell me that the only things we have absolute control over are what we
say, what we do, how we treat others and how we treat ourselves. By
recognizing that someone's actions are outside my realm of control, what
they do becomes so much easier to deal with.

* Acceptance. I have to be OK with my actions on a daily basis -- but I have
to accept the actions of others as outside my realm of control. This applies
to situations and events as well -- if a certain ball game is canceled, or I
can't go hiking on the weekend because I've twisted my ankle, what's the
point in getting upset about it? My anger and frustration and self-pity
won't make the game magically happen or miraculously heal my ankle.

* Choices. Life is a series of choices, and everything I do today, and most
of the things that happen to me, are a result of the choices I make. If I'm
dissatisfied with my job, I have the choice to continue working for my
employers or I can choose to find another job. And who originally made the
choice to take the job that frustrates me? I did. The words ``can't''
shouldn't be in my vocabulary, especially when it comes to all things within
the realm of possibility. Obviously, I ``can't'' flap my arms, jump off the
roof and expect to fly ... but if I say ``I can't afford to quit my job,'' I
might as well be saying, ``I choose not to quit my job because of the
financial security and comfort it gives me.''

* Surrender. If I'm struggling with something, the best thing I can do is
let it go and surrender it to my Higher Power -- the guiding consciousness
in my life. If I can't practice acceptance, or if I just can't get something
off my mind, the best thing I can do is to surrender it to the God of my
understanding. I've heard of several novel ways of doing this. Some addicts
I know make a ``God box'' -- they take a box, cut a slot in it, paint
``God'' on the top and write their worries on slips of paper to be dropped
into the slot. It's supposed to symbolize letting go of worries and giving
them up to God to handle; and most people I know might write the same worry
over and over, dropping it into the box whenever it creeps back into their
minds, before they let it go.

The concepts of recovery aren't just for addicts. They can be used by
everyone. The thing about it is that a lot of people already realize these
things -- it's just that after years of active addiction, we have to learn
how to cope with life and change our lives for the better.
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MAP posted-by: Josh