Pubdate: Sat, 03 Dec 2005
Source: Sydney Morning Herald (Australia)
Copyright: 2005 The Sydney Morning Herald
Contact:  http://www.smh.com.au/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/441
Author: Julie Robotham
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/heroin.htm (Heroin)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/find?136 (Methadone)

A PERPETUAL HIGH THAT LOST ITS LUSTRE AS THE COST GREW

In what he calls the land of the living dead, Christian* was never bored.

"You could watch paint dry and be entertained," says the 45-year-old 
of his decade-long addiction to heroin and methadone. "You're sort of 
functioning, but not really."

Always in work, always able to get up in the morning and operate 
socially, Christian's using was never obvious - not even to his 
family, to whom he has strong ties and responsibilities.

Eventually, dissatisfaction with his life and achievements overtook 
the compulsion to seek the next high.

"I was always broke. Fortunately, I could maintain a lifestyle. I 
worked and I didn't get into crime. [But] I'd be driving along to an 
event, and then I'd go and score first. It does put a cap on where 
you can get to in your career," says the long-time resident of the 
inner west, who works in the entertainment industry.

When the moment came two years ago to give drugs the flick, Christian 
was confident there would be no back-sliding, but first he needed to 
get over the hurdle of actual withdrawal. Eager to move forward with 
minimal disruption to his work life, he opted for rapid 
detoxification and a naltrexone implant to keep him on track.

"The next morning I felt like a truck had run over me, and then 
reversed and done it again. The feeling when you withdraw is a mix of 
physical ache and psychological pain, because you know you can just 
go out your door and deal with it [by buying more drugs]."

In the aftermath, he stuck with counselling, which gave him new 
insights into his relationship with his father and helped him 
understand the background to his addiction.

The advantages kicked in quickly, keeping the ledger on the positive 
side. "Everything felt brighter and better. Even music sounded better."

On the methadone program, hurriedly seeing doctors who were 
overwhelmed with a huge rollcall of patients, Christian now feels he 
had no chance of getting away from drugs. "Methadone is fine if 
someone's just got a very small addiction," he says. "But they let 
people start and then they leave them for goddamn years, which I 
think is wrong."

* Name changed
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MAP posted-by: Beth Wehrman