Pubdate: Mon, 21 Mar 2005
Source: North Thompson Star/Journal (CN BC)
Copyright: 2005 The North Thompson Star/Journal
Contact:  http://www.starjournal.net/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1231

WHEN SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU HAS A DRUG PROBLEM

Concerned family and friends are often the first to recognize problems
resulting from someone's drug use, however, often they don't know what
to do about it. There are a number of strategies that can assist in
making the process easier.

Planning: Establish and be clear about what level/type of involvement you
are prepared to commit yourself to. To assist in making these decisions it
may be helpful to speak with a drug and alcohol professional, other members
of the family and concerned friends.

Avoid contributing to the situation: You may want to protect the
person who is using drugs from the consequences of their behaviour.
For example, making excuses for them, paying their bills, or
apologising for them.

Being "too helpful", "too caring" or "too forgiving", can make it much
easier for the person to continue using drugs. They won't have to face
up to the consequences of their drug use, because everything is being
done for them.

The best way to help is to stop protecting them. Support the person,
not their drug use. Let the person face up to the consequences by
refusing to support their drug use. This can be very difficult,
especially if there are children in the family and you're trying to
keep family life as stable as possible. However, the person taking
drugs is unlikely to change if they never have to face the
consequences of their behaviour.

Talk with them: Keep the communication open. One of the most important
steps in bringing about change is to acknowledge what is going on and
to explain how you feel to the person taking drugs.

There is no easy way to start talking about drug problems. The person
taking drugs may deny everything. They may give excuses and promise to
change or get angry and try to blame you.

Talking to the person taking drugs will not bring about instant change
but it's a start. The following suggestions may help:

Explain how YOU feel and how their drug taking is affecting YOU. Give
concrete examples of their behaviour and how you feel about it.

Try to remain calm and logical and stick to the point you wish to get
across to them. Refuse to be drawn into an argument.

Encourage them to seek professional help.

Listen carefully and actively without being judgmental. Allow and
encourage the person you're concerned about to speak in full sentences
and to finish what they have to say without interruption.

After they have finished speaking, reflect back to them what you have
understood that they have said. For example, "So what you are saying
is?" Allow them to clarify any misunderstandings.

Choose an appropriate time to talk. If a person is caught at a time
when they are unprepared, they may be more inclined to react
defensively. Also, try to remove any distractions, such as the
telephone. Avoid attempting an important discussion while they are
under the influence of alcohol.

Be clear and honest about feelings. It is important that a person
hears your concerns. Let them know that it is not them as a person
that you don't approve of, but particular behaviour(s).

Privacy. Think about consequences before acting. For example, is it
worth searching through someone's room or belongings if it means
potentially losing their trust?

Support and encourage positive behaviour. Avoid focusing only on
negatives.

Looking after yourself

Sometimes you can be so concerned about the person's drug using that
you forget about yourself. Drugs can become the central focus of the
lives of all those around someone who uses drugs. One of the most
important steps you can take is to not allow the drug issue to affect
all aspects of your life. Adopting such an approach can be of benefit
to both you and the person using drugs.

Where can I turn to for support?

Talk with a friend: It may help to discuss the problem with a friend.
Talking about how you feel may help clarify your thoughts and work out
what you're going to do.

Talk with a professional: Talking with someone outside your daily
life, such as a professional counsellor, can be another useful option.
A professional such as a counsellor, has talked with many people in
similar situations, and can help you to explore ways to deal with the
problem.

Self-help groups and other support: Some people join self-help or
support groups to share their thoughts and experiences with other
people who are facing, or have faced, similar problems.
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MAP posted-by: Derek