Pubdate: Fri, 20 May 2005
Source: St. Paul Pioneer Press (MN)
Copyright: 2005 St. Paul Pioneer Press
Contact:  http://www.pioneerplanet.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/379
Author: Tom Powers
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/opinion.htm (Opinion)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/testing.htm (Urine Testing)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/find?420 (Cannabis - Popular)

VIKINGS SHOULD DUMP SMITH FOR GOOD

ST. PAUL, Minn. - Apparently, J. Edgar Hoover was right. Smoking pot
is an insidious and addictive habit, and probably a Communist plot.

Back in the 1970s, we figured the head G-man took a perverse pleasure
in teaming with Richard Nixon to try to stomp on all the peace, love
and flowers going around. So when we viewed those grainy
black-and-white films in health class - featuring a skinny, bug-eyed,
jittery dude huddled in a corner with a funny-looking cigarette - we
giggled.

Far out.

Now I'm not so sure J. Edgar wasn't ahead of his time. How else to
explain the goofy behavior of Onterrio Smith, who now holds the title
of biggest idiot I have ever run across. The title previously was held
by ex-Timberwolf Isaiah Rider. And I thought for sure that it was
J.R's forever.

It appears Onterrio really wasn't carrying The Original Whizzinator
for his cousin. I'm shocked because I truly believed the two-time NFL
drug testing loser when he made that statement.

Oops, did I say two-time. Make it three - pending another appeal, of
course. I believe Smith's agent keeps the forms handy right on top of
his desk.

Who is going to break the news to Zygi Wilf? As little as Zygi knows
about football, he probably is confused about what's happened to
Onterrio. We need to explain it to him in language he
understands:

Zygi, let's say the Vikings are a shopping mall. Your Bed, Bath and
Beyond just burned down.

Never mind the Whizzinator. Smith ought to carry a rubber cranium and
a couple of packets of freeze-dried brains in his luggage. And then
when he has to make a decision, perhaps he could add water and squeeze
out some sort of lucid thought.

The Vikings need to boot this guy. Give him a gold watch and some
rolling papers, and send him on his way. Throw in a pass to a Cheech
and Chong film retrospective. Whatever it takes to get him out the
door.

My approach to life is that I don't care what anybody does in private
as long as it doesn't affect me. I don't care if someone wants to go
steady with a chicken or sit in his living room and shoot applesauce
into his veins. But when his stupid behavior affects other people,
then he's a problem.

Smith's actions have adversely affected the thousands of fans who
purchase tickets to Vikings games. They have affected his teammates,
who clearly can't count on him. They even have affected Zygi, who
probably had no idea he was driving his bulldozers into such a den of
iniquity.

How dumb can one person be? Smith knows he's under a microscope
because of his previous behavior. Yet he still can't control himself?
It's still party time?

Here's a two-time loser who has found a way to achieve strike three,
either by flunking another drug test or failing to show up for one.
This is all over and above the drug problems he ran into in college.

One mistake? It happens. Two mistakes? OK, nobody's perfect. Smith's
situation is beyond ridiculous. What a waste of God-given talent.

Let's recap. Onterrio recently is caught lugging a drug-masking device
through the airport. He shows up to minicamp Monday. Disappears amid a
shroud of secrecy Tuesday. Returns Wednesday. Is sent home for the
rest of the offseason Thursday.

Coach Mike Tice says he isn't at liberty to say what happened. Gee,
let's try to figure it out. Hmmmm ... Drug-masking device ... Excused
from camp .. Sent home for good ... I know, maybe his cousin's sick!

I'm simply out of patience with stupid people and those who make
excuses for them. If Smith were a regular citizen, he would be wearing
an ankle bracelet.

Dump him and let him see if he can hook on full time with the Acapulco
Golds or Maui Wowies in a recreational league. 
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