Pubdate: Sun, 05 Jun 2005
Source: Providence Journal, The (RI)
Copyright: 2005 The Providence Journal Company
Contact:  http://www.projo.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/352
Author: Polly Reynolds
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/opinion.htm (Opinion)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/mmj.htm (Cannabis - Medicinal)
Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/decrim.htm (Decrim/Legalization)

MY CONFESSIONAL APPEAL FOR MEDICAL POT

I have multiple sclerosis. I smoke marijuana. I am a divorced mother
trying to raise responsible kids. I am also a proud Rhode Islander, by
luck of both history and attitude. At least three of those things
cause me trouble every day.

On behalf of those of us who use marijuana or will in the future, I
thank the General Assembly and all those who have supported accepting
the truth of its assistance to us. I look forward to being able to
hold my head proud, even high, again.

MS (one of the pot-approved diseases) busted my spirits, my finances,
my independence, and my health. The thing that helps me deal with it
best busts the rest of me.

The federal government's stubborn, hypocritical refusal to permit good
citizens to use an herb with medicinal properties that makes them feel
better is stupid, dictatorial and empirically mean. It is uncivil,
inhumane and disempowering.

When government brands me a drug abuser and scofflaw, it strips me of
both self and social dignity; it mutes my voice and undermines my
authority -- personal, moral, social and parental. When the government
calls me a drug abuser and scofflaw, it undermines itself, and its own
and my respectability.

When the government labels me a drug-abusing scofflaw, it is being
very, very anti-family.

The decision for me as my disease worsens has been either to smoke
marijuana and keep functioning or to crawl under my bedcovers as a
non-functioning, if socially acceptable, parent.

It seemed to me that a little occasional silly absent-mindedness is
better than a lot of profound absence.

MS is one of those conditions the doctors call medical enigmas: They
only know it's incurable, although there are loads of new efforts to
manage its effects. I've tried most. Every treatment, every vicious
drug, every bee sting, every nasty concoction, every needle poked into
me has hurt me and made me feel worse -- but I've done them in the
belief that I'd be even worse sooner if I didn't. Doctors, family and
society are proud of me and my pains.

Ironically, marijuana is the only thing that actually makes me feel
better and, ironically, marijuana is the only thing I can't use.
Doctors and family dare not be proud and dare not speak its name. That
hurts worse than the needles.

Rightly or wrongly, I choose to stay as active as I can. I choose to
stay living in Rhode Island and, thereby, I choose to break the law.

Rightly or wrongly, I choose to be honest with my children about
marijuana and my use of it. Of course, until perhaps now, the rest of
the adults around them urge them to lie for me, hide the truth,
protect and ignore me.

That using marijuana is illegal has meant a constant nervousness about
being arrested and a constant source of discomfort for my family.

Being a feeble felon is not fun; having a feeble felon for a mother is
worse. If de-criminalizing marijuana keeps one mother from my feelings
of guilt and parental failure, I am gladdened for her and her family.

That cannabis was branded guilty by association a half-century ago
should be something real Rhode Islanders can understand. That the
federal government can just plain be wrong (and hypocritical) is
something we can all understand.

Marijuana has always been a questionable inclusion in the government's
"war against drugs." In 2005, when drugs are hawked recklessly
throughout the culture and swallowed without sense or stigma, chewing
on a plant leaf from the garden should not be a criminal act.

As for stupidities, I do not drive stoned. Wouldn't do it. The whole
point of using the weed is to live. I know lots of people on
pharmaceuticals who shouldn't drive, either. I don't question police
statistics on intoxication and traffic accidents, but I do disagree
with police supposition that medical-marijuana users will be
responsible for carnage on the roads.

As for unknown dangers, I agree that a current problem with pot is
trusting what you're getting. But since growing a little pot plant in
a little spot in the garden is a felony, current law forces you to the
darker side of distribution systems.

As for known certainties, marijuana is a safe herbal medicine that
works, and helps a lot of people who endure daily suffering. As state
Senate Judiciary Committee Member Steven Costantino said in his yea
vote, it's an issue of compassion. Having lost family to cancer, he
called it allowing death with dignity; I call it allowing life with
dignity.

I'm happy to see some common sense being spent in Rhode Island on
marijuana -- a common weed for the un-common weal.

Polly Reynolds is a writer based in East Providence.
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