Pubdate: Wed, 29 Mar 2006 Source: Winnipeg Free Press (CN MB) Copyright: 2006 Winnipeg Free Press Contact: http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/ Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/502 Author: Lindor Reynolds Bookmark: http://www.mapinc.org/youth.htm (Youth) PARENTS SHARING NIGHTMARE OF DRUGS YESTERDAY'S story of a desperate Winnipeg mom willing to do anything to keep her 16-year-old daughter off drugs touched a nerve with readers. Liz Smith is not alone, you wrote. Refusing to have her daughter released from the youth remand centre might seem extreme -- but it might also save her life. You told me this sorrow has visited your homes and that you, too, feel you aren't being allowed to save your kids. Here's a portion of two of the poignant letters: "My bright, 16-year-old son is a cocaine addict and I sit helplessly by watching him slowly killing himself. When he was 15, he ran away from home since the rules were becoming too restrictive. Although I knew where he was staying, I found that even at that age I had very little or no control over what he was doing. "All my calls to so many agencies were in vain. "The last year has been a series of downward spirals to the point where he now is awaiting trial for drug trafficking and is fully committed to his precious cocaine. Although he has expressed a desire for help, cocaine is a powerful master. He has quit for a week, then is drawn back to the drug like the sailors were drawn to the sirens who called them to their death. "I have no control over forcing him into a detox program. If he becomes violent enough, the police could take him to emergency for observation, but no one can make him stay. There is an adolescent drug rehab program but, even if the desire is there on his part, there is an approximate three-month wait list. "As a juvenile, my son is still growing and has not yet matured, yet we let our underage children make decisions that could quite literally cost them their lives. "As a non-swimmer, I stand on the shore watching my son drown in the middle, asking why someone won't try to save him." * * * "I am also living this same nightmare. Our children are making bad choices and we cannot stop them. I know that if my child had a life-threatening disease and I refused treatment, someone would step in and force the issue. "When we are sleeping, she leaves the house. Are we to stay up all the time? At one time my husband and I would take turns. I would go to bed very late and he would get up very early just so the chance of escape was narrow. "It is me in the middle of the night going to apartments where the unspeakable happens. It is me being tough and forceful against drug users and dealers. Telling them that she is not going to stay there. It is me dragging her home another time and another." "I will not stop. There are many other mothers like me. I meet them in the night. We hide our shame. We pretend life is not that bad. But we know it is killing them and us. We do not give up. We pray that they will get locked up so they have a little chance to detox. "But mostly we pray that we wake up and this is not happening to our family. There are stories and stories about this. But there is no hope." * * * And then a phone call from a weeping mom: "I feel like I'm this hamster running around this cage and I'm helpless to save her," she sobbed. "I've tried everything but I can't get anywhere. I'm so afraid." * * * Finally, a letter from a reader with a pointed question: "I sympathize with the mother in your story. While reading the story, though, I remembered a story from last year where an older gentleman had his bank account frozen. I think a public trustee was appointed because it was felt that he couldn't make sound decisions for himself. There was a way for someone to contravene a person's personal rights in that case. "Isn't there a way to contravene a 16-year-old's rights when it is obvious that she is endangering her life?" * * * Why aren't parents allowed to save their own children? There is so much sorrow and so little hope.