Pubdate: Mon, 02 Mar 2009
Source: Other Press, The (CN BC Edu)
Copyright: 2009 The Other Press
Contact:  http://www.theotherpress.ca/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/2684
Author: Liam Britten

CONSERVATIVES TO THE RESCUE!

"Mama, Mama, them hold Papa ?Say them hold him for smoke ganja ?If me
never jump two fence, them hold me too ?So tell me Mama, whatcha gonna
do?"

- -Peter Tosh "Whatcha Gonna Do?"

Stephen Harper must thank his lucky stars every time Canada goes
through a crime spree like the one we've been experiencing lately in
Vancouver. What it means for him is that he gets a chance to play the
role of Canada's saviour from the evil criminals that will obviously
kill you, rape your children and let their dog crap on your lawn.
Never mind the economy that's losing us billions of dollars and
thousands of jobs; never mind the Conservatives' callous indifference
towards the environment; never mind poverty, Aboriginal issues or any
of those things that have hurt more than two dozen Canadians this
year, there are people with guns and if you don't support the
government you are in danger!

I imagine that when Mr. Harper heard about the crime spree he said to
himself the same thing I would say to myself if my final exam for a college
course was 20 questions about beer and Star Wars: "Finally, something I
actually know about!" But then again, if I got that test about beer and Star
Wars, I'd probably put a little effort into my answers to that test. I
probably wouldn't get great marks if I wrote "Beer is good and Han Solo
could kick Boba Fett's ass." I would probably put a little mustard into it
and discuss how the worldwide hops shortage could affect the new brands of
beer made in the near term or how Han Solo's experience at the Battle of Nar
Shaddaa really gave him the upper hand when he fought Boba Fett later on
Tatooine (call me, ladies!).

But Harper's basically taken the easy route on this issue. He's doing
it the American way (big surprise there) with his promises of harsher
prison sentences for anyone involved in the drug trade, even first
offenders and low-level schmucks just selling a little bud. And just
like America, I'm sure we'll see results; results like overcrowded
prisons, the start of a cycle of poverty affecting the children of
those incarcerated and more profit for top-level gangsters.

But this is the Conservative way of doing things. On safe issues like
this, issues that the Opposition is too cowardly to take them to task
for, they make it seem like they've been at the forefront with their
new thinking and ingenuity (their idea of "new thinking" and
"ingenuity" probably involves public hanging) but when there's a
challenging issue, one that they can't provide a simple answer for or
one that doesn't involve the Conservatives looking like heroes...
suddenly it's not an issue. When was the last time we've heard the
Conservatives say anything of value on the environment or the economy?
They seem to think that Canadians have the attention spans of goldfish
and unless we start thinking a little more critically and challenging
them on what they say to us, they're pretty justified in their logic.

So here's the bottom line: unless you are a mobster, you have very
little to worry about from other mobsters. They don't want the
attention that comes with hurting civilians. Addicts will always find
a way to get drugs, and thus dealers will always have a market no
matter what kind of sentences are put in place to dissuade them. And
the Conservatives' plans for harsher punishment will mean that your
tax dollars are going to increase while the problem doesn't get fixed.
After all, conservatives only care about fiscal responsibility if
there's no idle moral panic they can jump on to make themselves look
like the good guys.

Lord knows they need all the help they can get. Your friend in high
criminality,

Liam Britten
Editor-in-Chief
The Other Press
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MAP posted-by: Larry Seguin