Pubdate: Fri, 16 Oct 2009
Source: Morning Star, The (CN BC)
Copyright: 2009 The Morning Star
Contact:  http://www.vernonmorningstar.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1352
Author: Doug Rogers

PARENTS SHOULD SET SPECIFIC BOUNDARIES

Parenting is a difficult job, probably the toughest - you never get a break!

As parents we often consider the potential problems that might harm 
our children. These what if's are a source of great stress. In this 
article I will briefly describe some common what if's and provide 
some sage (hopefully) advice for each concern.

. Drug/alcohol experimentation - what if I do nothing. Kids need boundaries.

They want to know what you think, they need your advice. More 
importantly, your silence is permission. When kids don't talk to 
their parents about drugs they get their 'facts' from other teenagers.

Please talk to your kids about drugs and set very specific 
boundaries. Further, prepare firm but fair consequences for when your 
child does not follow rules.

. What if I find drugs or drug paraphernalia? If you find drugs or 
drug paraphernalia you must talk to your child. This will be a 
difficult conversation because your child will try to deflect the 
conversation by arguing that his/her privacy was violated. They may 
threaten to run away or they become upset or angry. Threats, 
posturing, arguing are to be expected.

We need to intervene in our child's life. Again, they need clear 
boundaries and if they have a drug problem they will need your help! 
Conversely, what if we don't intervene and a drug problem becomes an 
addiction - then we, as parents, are partially responsible.

. What if I don't talk to other parents about their child's drug or 
alcohol problem? A simple rule that I have always used is if it was 
my child would I want to know? The answer is always yes. We need the 
courage to talk to other parents - even if there is potential for an 
argument or bad feelings.

Protection of the child is always paramount.

. What if we don't seek help for our young adult? Some families are 
worried about embarrassment, shame or blame. However, asking for help 
is not a sign of weakness; in fact, it is a sign of strength and 
courage and every parent's obligation. We live in a community where 
outstanding help is available.

Please, talk to your doctor.

. Kids are going to drink anyway. What if I provide a safe place for 
them to drink? As a responsible parent we can never let this happen.

When we have other children in our home we are legally and morally 
responsible for them. The recent unfortunate case in Maple Ridge 
should be a wakeup call for all parents. When a 16 year-old-girl 
perished at the party the homeowner was charged with failing to 
provide the necessities of life.

Don't let kids drink at your home.

Research clearly shows that positive parenting has a good outcome for 
teens - lower rates of depression, less likely to engage in risky 
behavior, better school performance, more respectful conduct and 
better ability to deal with conflict. Parenting teenagers is a tough 
job, but our kids deserve our best effort.

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Doug Rogers is a substance abuse prevention counsellor for the Vernon 
School District.
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MAP posted-by: Keith Brilhart