Pubdate: Mon, 18 Apr 2011
Source: Prince George Citizen (CN BC)
Copyright: 2011 Prince George Citizen
Contact:  http://www.princegeorgecitizen.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/350
Author: Arthur Williams, Citizen Staff

GROWING UP WITH DRUGS, GANGS AND CRIME

Jolene Paquette had every reason to end up a drug addict or in
jail.

But despite growing up in a family synonymous with drugs, crime and
gangs in Prince George, Paquette has chosen another road for herself
and her three sons. Paquette was one of the speakers at the B.C. Crime
Prevention Association's Northern Crime Prevention Symposium held in
Prince George on Saturday.

"I'm very proud to show members of my family we do have choices," she
said. "I tell people that everybody has a choice - you can choose to
follow your family path or choose a different path."

Today Paquette is raising her three boys - aged nine, six and five
years old - and preparing to get her bachelor's degree in social work.
She's a presenter with Communities Against the Sexual Exploitation of
Youth (CASEY) and has done previous work with Youth Around Prince (YAP).

But the journey to get to where she is today has been a lifelong
battle to escape the influences which claimed the lives of her father
and brother earlier this year.

"My life was never easy, it was always been a struggle. I could see
myself being different, and my family being different than other
people," Paquette said. "I was eight [years old] when I realized why
my family is different. I was home sick with the flu. I was yelling
for my mom, telling her I was sick, when I saw my mom and dad run by
my bedroom. I jumped up... and I go out and see a police officer with
a gun standing in the hallway."

Police rounded up everyone in the house and conducted a search of the
house, she said.

"I watched my mom and dad be taken away. My parents were charged with
drug possession and drug dealing," she said. "[Then] it made sense to
me why I had kids tell me they weren't allowed to be my friend." The
early years

Paquette said she had a lot of shame and anger at her father growing
up. His addiction to crack cocaine shaped the lives of her, her four
older siblings and mother.

"My dad had a big influence on all of us - it was his way or nothing,"
she said. "I don't think he wanted to ruin any of our lives... it was
just what he knew. I come from a big family. A lot of them do drugs,
sell drugs."

For Paquette police raids, moving houses and moving schools were more
common in her childhood than birthday parties.

"I had two birthday parties growing up. We weren't allowed to have
birthday parties, because we couldn't have people see what was
happening in our house," she said. "By Grade 7 I had been in seven
different schools. When I did make friends, I'd never see them because
I moved schools. I never had that one friend, that one person who I
could tell everything."

When she was 12 her father was charged in connection with a murder and
spent two years in jail, she said.

"My mother changed my name and put in me a different school. I thought
everything would be O.K., but I didn't realize they put things in the
paper," she said. "I had a lot of shame growing up. At 13 I started to
fight a lot. My first charge was at 13 - I was charged with assault
causing bodily harm."

She moved into her eldest sister's house for eight months in Grade 8.
Her eldest sister now lives in Burns Lake and has distanced herself
from drugs and crime.

"I didn't like her rules. When I lived with my mom and dad nobody paid
attention to what I did," Paquette said. "I moved back in with my
parents. I debated whether I wanted to live the life the rest of my
family did." Teen rebellion

While in jail, her father had become a heroin addict and his addictive
behaviour got progressively worse, she said.

"He had to do his shot of heroin before he could drive me to school,"
she said. "He traded his [crack] pipe for a needle."

Paquette said she was determined to avoid drugs because she saw the
impact they had on her father, older brothers, one sister and cousins.
However, she started drinking and got into regular trouble.

"I was drinking every day. I was fighting every day. It got so bad,
[School] District 57 kicked me out. I wasn't allowed on school
property," she said. "Me and three girls came up with the bright idea
we'd do an armed robbery. I thought if I got caught I'd just go to
jail and see what it what that was like - because everyone else in my
family had been in jail."

Two days after the robbery she was arrested and was eventually
sentenced to 14 months in a youth correctional facility.

In prison she learned about routine and structure. She also had a
chance to restart her education and decided to make some changes in
her life.

"My dad could never come to see me straight, he always came high. One
day I just got up and walked away," she said. "I told him I never
wanted to see him again. That was the first time I'd ever stood up to
him."

When she got out of prison, her probation officer told she couldn't go
home.

"Even though I was only 17, my probation officer told me I couldn't
live with my mom and dad," she said. "I went to live with my brother,
but living with my brother was just like living with my parents -
people doing drugs, people coming and going all the time."

She moved into her own apartment, with the approval of her probation
officer, and got a job working with YAP.

"I'd go home after work and my dad would be sitting outside my
apartment, and I just had to walk away from him. That was hard. As
much as my family was messed up, they are still my family," she said.
"That's when I told my mom she had to make a choice: either live with
dad and keep living the drug life, and I couldn't see her anymore, or
leave."

Paquette's mother left her father and moved into her apartment. Her
father would come to the apartment with guns, tell her that she,
"ruined our  family" and called her "the cold-hearted bitch."

"At 18 I was going to school, taking care of my own house and keeping
my dad and brothers and sister away - but making sure they were safe,"
she said. "My younger sister became an heroin addict and started
working the streets. My brothers started to follow in my dad's cycle."

After going back to school, Paquette became the first of her siblings
to complete high school.

"Dad, instead of coming to my grad, chose to go to Vancouver and buy
more drugs," she said. "I was so angry... I left for two months. And
that was when I found out I was pregnant with my first son. I'm very
thankful I had my kids when I did, because I think they saved me."

A different road

She moved back to Prince George because she wanted her family to know
her son. Because of her father and brother's connections to The Crew -
a street gang - she started to hang out with members of the gang.

"I knew all these guys. For the first year of my son's life, I thought
I was cool hanging out with these guys and drinking with them," she
said. "Then my girlfriend's exboyfriend got his hand chopped off."

That made her decide to break her ties with drugs and gangs for good.
She moved to Vernon for six months.

"I didn't give my mom a choice, I packed up her whole house and took
it," she said.

By the time she returned her father and brother were living together
in van. She returned to Prince George and did what she could to
protect her family.

"I'd have to ask people I knew to make sure my dad and brothers didn't
get hurt. I feel like I've been the babysitter my whole life. It's
always been me keeping my family together," she said. "When I was 24,
I got the worst news of my life. I got called down to the needle
exchange... my dad, everyone, was HIV positive."

Despite the diagnosis, her father and brothers continued to do
drugs.

"For the next few years, I watched as my family got sicker and sicker,
and more into the gang life," she said.

In January, 2008 her 21-year-old cousin Guy Mitchell Henry was shot
and killed outside Moxie's Classic Grill in a gang-related shooting.

"I have cousins in the [Game Tight Soldiers] and [Independent
Soldiers]. I'm afraid they're going to hurt each other," she said.
"One of them visits my grandma all the time. I worry that someone is
going to drive by my grandma's place and shoot it up." In February,
her father died. "My last conversation with him was that I had applied
to the social work program. He couldn't talk, but he cried so I know
he was proud," she said. "My brother passed three weeks after him."

Paquette said in time she will tell her sons about their grandfather
and uncle and the lives they lived. But for now she's happy that
haven't had the same childhood experiences she had growing up.

"I don't blame my father. I don't blame anyone. We all have choices to
  make," she said. "I don't know how I didn't turn out like my family.
They may not have done right with their lives, but they taught me right." 
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MAP posted-by: Richard R Smith Jr.