Pubdate: Tue, 05 Jun 2012
Source: Langley Times (CN BC)
Copyright: 2012 Langley Times
Contact:  http://www.langleytimes.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/1230
Author: Tim Attwood

DEALERS LACK MARKET SAVVY

Dear Editor,

While local political types gather round, dabbing sweat from each
other's brow and bandying about atta-boys for signing the new police
contract, now is a good time to start noodling over new
initiatives.

Perhaps something involving the influx of drug dealers taking over the
downtown core - what I like to call "the old town" - and surrounding
neighbourhoods is in order.

Once upon a time, falling asleep in one of these neighbourhoods meant
drifting off to sounds of whistling as the drug trade opened for the
evening.

It also meant being awakened around 4 a.m. by screams of
now-drug-addled minds discovering their life or relationships are not
working out.

These days, it's nearly impossible to walk down the street without
being followed by aggressively shouting dealers.

If we can't stop them, let's send them to sales seminars, where they
will learn target marketing, product placement, or such.

Explain to them that, when they're whistling, shouting, stalking, or
making an ass of themselves in some other way, a person who keeps
walking without even acknowledging their existence is not a consumer.

Graduates will receive a day-glow orange uniform consisting of a
pointy paper hat, a coin-change thingy, and an apron to hold their
drug of choice. That will make them easy to spot, day or night.

Entrepreneurs will enhance their image with sandwich boards,
scratching homemade or prison tattoos all over themselves, or using
long-term users as models, so prospective customers know what they
have to look forward to in a few short years.

Another option would be for the city to start forcing the owners of
several apartment buildings to clean up or be shut down.

Yet another option is to cull the dealers employing methods used to
control wildlife. When confronted by a dealer, you simply shoot them
with a tranquillizer (ironically using drugs) before dialing 9-1-1.
When the police arrive, they punch your tag.

Those with automobiles could just strap them to the hood of the car
and drive to the local detachment-

Just a thought.

Tim Attwood,

Langley City
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MAP posted-by: Matt