Pubdate: Sun, 14 Apr 2013
Source: Daily Camera (Boulder, CO)
Copyright: 2013 The Daily Camera.
Contact:  http://www.dailycamera.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/103
Author: Clay Evans

STONERS, THE BATTLE IS OVER

While crossing the street in downtown Longmont one recent Friday 
night two guys of a hippie-ish mien approached me, wanting to know 
where they could buy cigarettes.

I had to confess that, so far as I knew, there wasn't a gas station 
or convenience or grocery store anywhere nearby. I found myself 
remembering the days when you could roll into any bar and belly up to 
a "cigarette machine" -- kids, ask grandma or grandpa what that was.

But then the pair got down to business.

"Hey, we've never been to a green state before," said the one from Georgia.

"Yeah, so," chimed in the one from South Carolina, "where is the weed store?"

Standing on that street corner I felt a twinge of sympathy for them. 
Not only had they asked precisely the wrong person, but also they 
were laboring under some misimpression about what it means to be 
"green" (the current argot in hippie circles, I suppose, though I'd 
never heard it).

I explained that while there would eventually be commercial sales of 
marijuana in Colorado, that hadn't been worked out just yet. I did a 
quick rundown of what I understood. Yeah, legal for personal use; no, 
you can't buy or sell it yet; you can grow your own; you can buy at a 
dispensary, but you have to have a "card." And so on.

"Bummer," the Georgian said, deflated.

I wondered if they'd made a pilgrimage to the doper's promised land 
based on rumors abroad. They sulked. I felt for them.

Ah, pot. I hate the stuff. Hate the smell, fresh or toasted. Hate the 
high. But I find our myriad gyrations on the way to legalization, 
regularization and taxation -- which I support -- mindless and hypocritical.

"Medical marijuana" has all been a ruse.

When was the last time your pharmacy lit up a fancy LED marquee or 
advertised in your favorite "alternative" publication about the 
latest "special" on, say, your blood pressure, cholesterol or ADHD meds?

Surely you remember the last time your physician advertised various 
colorfully named "strains" of antibiotics for you to whiff and sniff 
and swirl around your olfactory glands like the bouquet of fine wine.

No?

And now we face the annual idiocy that is 4/20 at the University of 
Colorado Boulder (where I am an employee). Hard to gauge how this 
will play out this year, as the context for the stoners' favorite 
holiday has changed.

First, it's on Saturday. Campus officials have closed campus that 
day, so only those with CU IDs are supposed to set foot on campus. 
They won't scatter fishy fertilizer on Norlin quad as they did last 
year, nor spend big bucks on an alternative event that drew almost no 
one (which was worth a try).

And now that Colorado voters have approved Amendment 64, you can 
smoke up without fear of arrest, within certain limits -- for 
example, not in public. The "free speech" smokescreen thrown up by 
past 4/20 revelers is now down to seeds and stems.

Proponents claimed that gathering was a political protest and a 
demonstration in favor of legalization. But anyone who went anywhere 
near the cloud knew that argument was pure fish fertilizer. It was a 
party, plain and simple, with a few sincere political idealists 
scattered throughout the crowd. But you'd never have known it from 
the screeching when CU had the audacity to decide it would rather not 
be nationally known for hosting a smokeout (the majority of whose 
participants came from outside the campus community, anyway).

The political speech argument was always ridiculous. Imagine if 
10,000 underage drinkers marched on Norlin quad armed with frosty 
kegs, bottles of vodka, tequila and whiskey, even Goldschlager, 
Jagermeister and other syrupy, kid-stuff monstrosities to demand an 
end to drinking-age laws. Would you thrust a fist skyward in 
solidarity with such brave First Amendment martyrs. No?

Seriously, stoners, the battle's over. Sure, the same foolish 
legislature whose draconian regulations of the medical marijuana 
industry were never enforced (though they drove many people out of 
business) can't resist meddling, which may keep a black market 
thriving. But for those who enjoy the stuff, you can now grow your 
own, bake your own edibles, give it to your buds and get baked 
yourself in the privacy of your own home. Soon enough there will be 
weed stores, so visitors from Georgia and other exotic places where 
they git drunk regular but practically string up hippies for smokin' 
can come here, be "green," pay taxes and enjoy a true Rocky Mountain high.

But no longer can anyone claim that 4/20 has anything to do with free 
speech or serves any political purpose. So stay home, stoners. Get 
high if you must. Or go mountain biking. Gear up for Earth Day. 
Because at this point, smoking up Norlin is nothing more than 
childish -- expensive -- flouting of the law.
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MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom