Pubdate: Sun, 18 May 2014
Source: Corvallis Gazette-Times (OR)
Copyright: 2014 Lee Enterprises
Author: Michael Coolen


The May 11 paper included a letter to the editor by Carolyn Webb in
which she noted that, based on the negative symptoms suffered by dogs
that ingest marijuana, humans must be pretty dumb to consume it, too.
Based on her logic, humans must even be dumber to consume chocolate,
which can cause theobromine poisoning in dogs; the symptoms include
nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, seizures, internal bleeding, heart attacks
and eventually death.

Clearly, it is time for a moratorium on the human consumption of
chocolate, especially dark chocolate. Although chocolate does not
cause theobromine poisoning in humans (dogs and humans are, like,
different), there are many dangers in the human consumption of
chocolate. Given that the sensual taste of chocolate can lead people
down the slippery slope of unbridled (horses and humans are different,
too, like) passion leading to potential pregnancies, a moratorium on
chocolate would doubtless result in a decline in the birth rate, which
could help reduce global warming, address issues of poverty and war,
and help solve the housing, traffic and parking problems in Corvallis
caused by an arrogant administration at OSU that might benefit from
ingesting a little more marijuana (and chocolate).

Michael Coolen

Corvallis (May 11)
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