Pubdate: Wed, 20 May 2015
Source: Seattle Weekly (WA)
Column: Higher Ground
Copyright: 2015 Village Voice Media
Contact: 
http://www.seattleweekly.com/feedback/EmailAnEmployee?department=letters
Website: http://www.seattleweekly.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/410
Author: Michael A. Stusser

WHAT WE SHOULD BAN IN SEATTLE PARKS INSTEAD OF SMOKING

Manspreaders? Screaming Kids? There Are Plenty of Options.

Anytime I go to a dive bar or pool hall or rock-'n'-roll show, in the 
back of my mind it feels like there's something missing. It's not the 
booze or long-lost jukeboxes, it's not the condom vending machines, 
filthy bathrooms, or obnoxious, aging, bandana-wearing Axl Rose 
doppelgaengers. So what exactly is it? Smoke! I'm missing the damn 
cigarette smoke that for so long provided a hazy backdrop of 
second-hand nostalgia.

I've never actually smoked-tobacco, anyway. But in certain places it 
seems par for the course. Nevertheless, society banned the practice 
of cigar and cigarette smoking-and it's a done deal. Hell, once the 
Italians banned smoking in restaurants and bars, it was clear there 
was no turning back.

Recently, in addition to the indoor smoking ban and a ban on smoking 
in public spaces, our mayor and the parks department have proposed 
fully eliminating smoking in each and every Seattle city park. What's 
next?! Banning adults using the swing sets, or not letting you piss 
in the kiddie pool? (Wait.)

Look, we all want our parks to be beautiful. Which is why it's 
illegal to litter there (including leaving cigarette butts, fast-food 
wrappers, or RedBulls strewn on the grass). And no one wants to have 
smoke blown into their children's faces while picnicking at Gas Works 
or playing catch at Lincoln Park. Which is why the Seattle parks 
department banned smoking, chewing, and any tobacco use within 25 
feet of other peeps at all beaches, parks, and playgrounds. (Not one 
citation has been issued by park rangers for this order since it went 
into effect in 2010, by the way.)

The Board of Park Commissioners will make a final recommendation to 
the superintendent on the proposed blanket smoking ban in Seattle 
parks on May 28. (In case you're wondering, the proposed rule doesn't 
specifically apply to vape pens-or electronic cigarettes-so 
regardless of how the wind blows, I'm in a win/win scenario here! The 
increasingly common smell of wafting ganja in parks is far more 
enjoyable than tobacco smoke anyway.) Smoking is already banned in 
all public spaces and workplaces (enacted in 2005). While the 
argument for reducing second-hand smoke (and lung cancer) and 
increasing healthy environments does hold some water, this total park 
ban seems a spot overly intrusive, and may actually be a smoke screen 
over messing with the homeless.

"Is this ban really about public health, or is it about 
discriminating against homeless people?" posed Sharon Jones, a Real 
Change vendor, at a recent public hearing on the matter. "Being 
homeless is hard enough-a smoking ban will give the police a reason 
to harass the poor . . . Homelessness is not a crime."

The ACLU agrees. "What we think would happen in practice is this 
would get disproportionately enforced against people who are 
vulnerable populations," noted spokesman Doug Honig, "and potentially 
they can be banned from parks-which are an important place for them 
to spend time-or even arrested."

Almost 1,000 cities, including the Big Apple and San Fran, have total 
or partial bans on firing up in parks, rather than the 25-foot rule 
we've adopted. (So does Portland, but they're just trying to stay 
relevant in any way possible.) The complete bans are obviously more 
straight-forward and easier to enforce and communicate to the public. 
But why stop there?

Wanna ban some stuff in our city parks? How about frisbees? It's 
extremely hard to relax when discs are zooming nearby-one wrong 
ring-toss away from destroying my latte. And how about forbidding all 
big-ass boom boxes-as well as super-loud people? I'd also like to 
eliminate wide-legged manspreaders on park benches, public 
nail-clippers, and studs in really good shape who take their shirts 
off! (Not to mention slovenly slackers who should not be taking their 
shirts off under any circumstances.)

Ban Boot Camp fitness classes on public land, Tai Chi types, and 
yoginis too! And nix non-sharing birthday-cake partiers! I also 
loathe those skateboard punks, who you know are violating the smoking 
ban when no one's looking! Hell, if I was calling the shots, we'd ban 
screaming KIDS from all city parks-talk about a buzz-kill! And while 
we're at it, let's forbid digital devices: I'm sick of seeing people 
more engaged with their iPhones than with the incredible views 
smack-dab in front of them. Maybe a giant waft of stinky smoke is 
just what the doctor ordered to get them to look up from their 
screens and into the bright light of day!

Put that in your park and smoke it.
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MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom