Pubdate: Fri, 29 May 2015
Source: East Oregonian (Pendleton, OR)
Copyright: 2015 The East Oregonian
Contact:  http://www.eastoregonian.com
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/3903
Author: Jerry Cronin

ODOR ORDINANCE WILL SPARK AIR FRESHENER INDUSTRY BOOM

I congratulate Peter Walters for igniting an unprecedented response 
to his satirical letter regarding the absurdity of an odor law in 
Pendleton. It received national recognition because no one has ever 
had the courage to write an essay revolving around the malodorous 
characteristic of flatulence.

Despite the emphasis on humor, Peter's intent was to draw attention 
to the city council's focus on the odor of marijuana rather than make 
decisions that are more relevant to our town's progress. Kudos to 
Jane Hill for having the courage to vote against this madness.

When I read that the amendment also addresses the issue of keeping 
marijuana grow sites hidden from public view, I had a "Eureka!" 
moment. As a result of Proposition 91, residents in Oregon will be 
able to grow their own plants so I foresee a boom in fencing 
businesses. However, I think there is a window of opportunity to sell 
an accessory for marijuana growers.

I will purchase cases of "Car Freshener 50101 Little Tree Air 
Freshener-Royal Pine." You see them hanging on rear view mirrors 
placed there by drivers thinking that this will keep a cop from 
discovering if you've been smoking grass in your vehicle.

When I drive around Pendleton, I've noticed that some people never 
take down their Christmas lights that hang from the roofs of their 
homes. This gave me the idea of marketing my new product, "Odor No More."

I hate to divulge my secret but I welcome competitors. Let the market 
determine my success. I will purchase fishing line and attach air 
fresheners to hook clip connector swivels every 6 inches. A grower 
will only have to tell me the length of the fence and I will deliver 
and install their order for "Odor No More."

Perhaps this brainstorm will motivate the city council to make a 
decision regarding medical marijuana as well as explaining how the 
cost of living in Pendleton will increase dramatically by raising 
utility costs, permit fees, taxes on property frontage, and other 
equally loathsome solutions to address the issue of street 
maintenance. However, I have one recommendation that serves two 
purposes. The city can give away flower seeds that can be planted in 
potholes as part of our city's beautification program. The plants 
will also alert drivers to drive around the pot holes and avoid a 
visit to Les Schwab for a front end alignment.

Jerry Cronin

Pendleton
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MAP posted-by: Jay Bergstrom