Pubdate: Thu, 29 Sep 2016
Source: Metro (Toronto, CN ON)
Copyright: 2016 Metro Canada
Contact:  http://www.metronews.ca/toronto
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/3462
Author: Genna Buck
Page: 23

COUPLES WITH REEFER SADNESS

Smoking up more than your partner causes problems

With dispensaries popping up on every corner and a popular
pro-legalization prime minister, some Canadians have a case of reefer
madness.

But for couples learning their drug-use preferences are incompatible,
the result can be reefer sadness instead.

Take Amanda and Jeff,* a couple in their 30s from Belleville,
Ont.

For the last few months Amanda, who suffers chronic pain due to a
serious car accident years ago, has been using medical marijuana from
a dispensary to help her sleep.

It works great. But she didn't anticipate the problems it would
create.

Her partner, Jeff, has always smoked recreationally, but once the drug
was around the house he became a "pothead" who uses up more than half
of her allowance and gets agitated if it runs out, Amanda said.

She's tried to hide her stash, but it never works for long because he
has a "nose like a bloodhound when it comes to marijuana."

Weed has been the cause of some knock-down-drag-out fights, including
one that ended in Jeff storming out and spending the night in their
RV.

"I love him. But if he pushes me hard enough, I'll be pushing him out
that front door," she said.

How much marijuana people want to use is "always a compatibility
criteria," in relationships, said Toronto matchmaker and columnist
Sofi Papamarko.

Reportedly, Brad Pitt's pot habit was one of the factors that led
Angelina Jolie to file for divorce.

In contrast to alcohol, studies have not linked marijuana to
"substantial partner conflict" or domestic violence, said UBC
psychology professor Zach Walsh, who studies the effects of substance
abuse on relationships.

But that doesn't mean reefer sadness isn't real.

"Like anything, whether it's online shopping or fantasy football, if
it starts to become something you're over-focused with, that can hurt
your relationship," Walsh said. "If cannabis leads you to be more
likely to isolate (yourself) and zone out of interpersonal
relationships, then it can be harmful."

Though it isn't as addictive as heroin or cocaine, marijuana
dependence is real - heavy users often get anxious when they're out of
weed, and if they quit suddenly, can be sleepless, grouchy and
nauseous for a few days, according to the Centre for Addiction and
Mental Health.

Molly, 27, a grad student from Toronto, is all too familiar with the
downside of marijuanadependence. Her boyfriend of four years, who
smokes to manage severe anxiety, used to have meltdowns if he couldn't
get in touch with his dealer.

Dispensaries solved his access issue. But Molly worries her partner
being "stoned all the time" is preventing him from reaching his full
potential at school or work.

They used to live together, but she moved out, in part because he was
"kind of living like a teenager" and his drug use was "disrupting" his
ability to be a supportive partner.

"I have nothing against people who use substances, but if it starts to
impact my relationship, that will be a dealbreaker," Molly said.

She wishes she asked more about his drug habits when they first
started dating: "It's a lot harder to set boundaries after you've been
with the person for a long time."

Marijuana isn't automatically a recipe for love trouble.

Getting high together is a bonding experience for many couples,
psychologist Zach Walsh said.

Simon, a Toronto chef, said if anything marijuana has enhanced his
relationship with his girlfriend, and "everyone should try it,"
because it reduces stress and makes him more sensitive to others.

(That's somewhat accurate: In the right conditions, pot can make your
senses sharper and put you in an agreeable, slightly euphoric mood,
according to U of T pharmacy professor Harold Kalant).

But it can also be a source of conflict if philosophies about drug use
clash, even when neither partner is a heavy or dependent user.

That's where 26-year-old Hilary from southern Ontario is at with her
husband. She got her weed-smoking phase over with in her teen years,
but he became an enthusiast in his late 20s.

It has caused conflict between them, though not "catastrophically."

"It makes him a different person. You're hanging out with someone who
is being kind of a goofball, and it's not funny," Hilary said, adding
she'd rather spend the money on something they could do together.

"And sexually sometimes it's weird," she said. "Having sex with
someone who is high when you're not high is just bizarre."

*Surnames have not been used to protect privacy.
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MAP posted-by: Matt