Pubdate: Mon, 05 Dec 2016
Source: Winnipeg Free Press (CN MB)
Copyright: 2016 Winnipeg Free Press
Contact: http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/opinion/send_a_letter
Website: http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/
Details: http://www.mapinc.org/media/502
Author: JenZoratti
Page: A7

SOMETIMES, THE DRUG PROBLEM IS YOUR KID

Parents need to realize addiction knows no demographic boundaries

THERE are many ways a parent can lose a child to drugs. They might
overdose and die. They might get lost to addiction, which is a kind of
death. Or they might be killed by drug-related violence - such as
Cooper Nemeth, whose body was found in a recycling bin in February, or
TJ Wiebe, who was beaten, strangled and left to die in a field in 2003.

In February, I sat in Karen Wiebe's living room. We talked about TJ,
and what the Nemeth family was going through, trying to grieve while
also dealing with the justice system and the media. No one prepares
you for what happens when your child becomes a headline.

We talked about people who blame the parents, and how much she and her
late husband Floyd did to prevent their son from going down that road.

"We're talking about a kid whose parents did everything they could to
help kids believe that they don't have to do drugs. And he still got
involved in drugs," she said. "Every kid is exposed to drugs, and
every kid makes the choice whether to be involved with them or not.
It's everywhere. To think otherwise is foolish."

I thought of Karen's words last week while I was working on a pair of
features about the current opioid crisis, and what to do about the
scourge of fentanyl.

When people ask, "Where are the parents?" it's usually dripping with
judgment - a condemnation of the "kind" of parent who would "allow"
this to happen to their child. Yes, some drug users, addicts and
dealers may be the product of neglect, abuse or inattentive parenting.
The trauma many of them seek to dull and blot out may have come at the
hands of their parents.

But the reality is drug users, addicts and dealers come from all kinds
of families and grow up in all kinds of postal codes. They come from
all levels of education. They grow up poor, rich and in-between. Many
are "good" kids who had "good" childhoods and "good" parents. I spoke
to two recovering opioid addicts for a feature that ran last Saturday.
They were educated kids from good neighbourhoods. Their parents were
in the picture. And they started using at 13.

Finger-pointing at parents might make people temporarily feel better
in the face of a scary epidemic with an ever-growing body count, but
all it really does is breed a dangerous Not My Kid attitude.

In 2011, the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children's Hospital
released a poll that made headlines. It found that parents wildly
underestimated the drug and alcohol use of their own children while
wildly overestimating the activities of other kids. "Not my darling
Janie. She would never touch drugs, but I don't like the looks of that
new girl she started hanging out with." It's a tale as old as time.

That attitude shuts down critical conversations. We'd do better to
acknowledge that our Janies and Johnnies may be doing drugs, that they
may be the "bad influence" in their peer groups. Wilful ignorance is
not an option. It is a parent's job to empower and educate their
children so that they may make positive, healthy choices, but that job
is impossible to do if the subject of drug use is considered a
non-issue in your household - just because your kid happens to be a
high-achieving sports star.

On Friday, the Manitoba government rolled out a new social media
campaign aimed to raise awareness among young people. It is definitely
not subtle; one of the slogans is "fentanyl will take your breath
away... forever." Its focus seems to be on the dangers of fentanyl
being cut into other drugs, which is incredibly important; as one of
the recovering addicts I spoke to noted, most users are not seeking
out fentanyl - they wind up ingesting it because it's in something
else. At the very least, this campaign acknowledges that young people
do drugs.

I'd love to see a social media campaign aimed at parents. One that
encourages them to talk to their kids about drugs in a non-judgmental
way, and to bring up the subject of drug use before it comes up. One
that reminds them that no one is exempt, that even gold-star parents
and their gold-star children might one day have to stare down the dark
spiral of drug addiction. One that fosters compassion - for users, for
addicts, for fellow parents - so that their stories and challenges
might be shared, openly and honestly.

I'll even throw in a free tagline: "Yes, my kid."
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MAP posted-by: Matt