Pubdate: 28 Oct, 1999
Source: The Memphis Flyer
Contact:  http://www.memphisflyer.com
Author: Paul Gerald

ON THE HIGH ROAD IN HOLLAND

Yes, It's True: You Can Smoke All The Pot You Want In
Amsterdam.

No matter how often we hear it, Americans are always confused by the simple 
truth of it: There are places in Amsterdam where you can just walk in and 
buy pot or hash.

And no matter how beautiful or historic or artistic Amsterdam is, what a 
lot of people want to hear about when you get back is the hash bars, and 
the hookers. It's pitiful, but in opening a series of columns on Amsterdam, 
I've decided to deal with it all.

On my first day in town, a year ago when I was still an occasional smoker, 
I faced the same pot anxiety: I saw one of "those" coffeeshops, and I 
wanted to go in and sample some of the goods. But the smidgeon of 
Presbyterianism that got through to me in 32 years rebelled: "You can't 
just go in there and buy pot! It's not right. Besides, you don't know how 
it works, and they'll laugh at you."

Well, I gathered up my courage, and fortunately the guy in this place was 
patient. He's probably used to dealing with squeamish and/or overly 
enthusiastic Americans. So here's how it works: First, you find a place 
with the telltale sign in the window. It's a simple little green-and-white 
sticker that replaced the pot-leaf design after the latter started 
polluting the view all over that magnificent city. Once inside, you order 
the mandatory minimum of one drink (coffee or beer) and make your way to 
the pot counter.

There, under the glass case, are the samples -- up to a few dozen of them, 
and no matter what pot you've ever seen in your life, you haven't seen pot 
like the stuff in Holland. It's the stuff stoners dream of, thick and green 
and sticky, and strong enough to pickle a lifelong user. The various kinds 
also have names -- AK47, White Widow, Superskunk, Hawaiian Haze, etc. You 
get it by the amount of money you want to spend, so 10 gilders (about 6 
bucks) might get you a pack of buds the size of a big marble or a little 
corner of hash the size of a pea. Either amount is enough to destroy days 
at a time.

Faced with such choices as Midnight Madness and Wintergreen Wonder and 
Black Afghan, I chose some Purple Haze and settled into a corner with a 
capuccino and a borrowed pipe. Ten minutes later, with the Eagles blasting 
over the PA and me talking to two guys on fall break from the University of 
Florida, I had completely forgotten I was in Holland.

There are people who go to Amsterdam primarily, or exclusively, for this 
experience. I guess there's a certain thrill in sitting down for a beer, 
laying your stash out on the bar, and rolling a joint. I shared a room in 
the hostel with some Australians who had spent the day high on mushrooms at 
the Museum of Modern Art, freaking out on a video-art exhibit. And they 
were going back the next day, after their third tour at the Heineken 
Brewery -- the cheapest drunk in town at $1.20 for all you can force down 
in an hour.

For me, it didn't take long before being stoned in Amsterdam was just like 
being stoned anywhere else: anti-social, paranoid, brain-fogged, expensive, 
and generally a waste of time. Especially when it's such high-potency stuff 
and the people around you aren't speaking English. I decided it was better 
to have a clear head when you approach the Rembrandts and Van Goghs and the 
wonderful Dutch countryside.

Not that a lot of my friends believe this, of course. It seems like a lot 
of guys, especially, want to believe that I smoked eight tons of hash and 
had sex with 124 hookers. But that's material for psychoanalysis; this is a 
travel column. For the record, I had little of the smoking and none of the 
sex, so let's get on with it.

There is a slightly more high-brow end to the Dutch pot scene than you 
probably think. Some of the folks are serious about smoking, and not just 
about getting trashed. The size of the scene is impressive on its own: A 
Web site I tracked down called "Bud's Guide" (coffeeshop-guide.com) lists 
452 coffeeshops, 109 growshops, 118 books, and 36 seeds, each of them 
reviewed for yield, buzz, and taste.

There's even an annual convention called the Cannabis Cup held each 
Thanksgiving, "a celebration of the spiritual, medicinal, and industrial 
uses of cannabis." A fee of $200 (package tours are also available through 
420 Tours) gets you samples throughout the "coffeeshop crawl" and the right 
to vote in various categories, as well as admission into growing workshops, 
council meetings, expositions, and spiritual ceremonies.

I went into one place called The Noon, the only American-owned hash bar in 
town, and one of the very few I visited that wasn't playing horrible 
techno-violent-rap music loud enough to add multiple layers to a hash headache.

I asked the owner, a guy from Maryland, to see the selections, and he 
proceeded to whip out about eight plastic tubs and give me what seemed 
awfully similar to a wine tasting.

"Okay," he started, "This is our Purple Outdoor bud. It's got an earthy 
taste with not much harshness, and it's mostly a head buzz. You can smoke 
this and still, you know, maintain. This is what I smoke when I'm at work."

He poured my cappuccino and handed me a bong to sample the Outdoor. I guess 
he was right about maintaining, since I remember what he said next.

"This next one is Edelweiss. Beautiful, isn't it? Americans always love to 
see these little red hairs on the buds. This is our entry for the Cup. It 
has a real light, aromatic taste and a totally smooth finish. It'll also 
just about kill ya. You only want to smoke this one late at night when you 
just want to get plastered."

I didn't, so I skipped the Edelweiss and all those that followed. He went 
on to show me his hashes -- Moroccan Premier, Nepalese Creme, Shanti Baba, 
etc. -- but I was still outdoors with the purple stuff. I left an hour or 
so later, head spinning, trying to remember where I had been before The 
Noon. Was it an art museum? The Heineken Brewery? Florida?

Whatever. I had done the smoking thing, checked it off the list of things 
to do in Holland. At least from now on I would know exactly where I was.

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MAP posted-by: Thunder