Pubdate: Mon, 06 Dec 1999
Source: Dear Ann (US)
Copyright: 1999 Creators Syndicate, Inc.
Feedback: http://www.creators.com/lifestyle/landers/writelan.asp
Address: Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, IL 60611-0562
Website: http://www.creators.com/lifestyle/landers/lan.asp
Author: Ann Landers
Note: This item is from the website of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, which
indicates it will be published Monday. Thus it is likely that it will be
published everywhere on the same day. LTEs may be sent by using the
Feedback webform above.

ANN LANDERS: FORMER POTHEAD THANKS ANN

Dear Ann: I am writing to let you know what an influence your column had on
my life. Twenty years ago, when I was in my early 20s, you printed a column
about marijuana. You expressed concern that marijuana may have "taken a
generation of doers and turned them into a generation of dreamers." That
single sentence was my wake-up call.

I used to smoke pot daily. I somehow managed to get through college
(barely) and hold down a job, but I didn't feel connected to anything,
and I wasn't getting anywhere. Every night, I would get high, and
write down in a journal all the things I planned to do. After reading
your column, I realized I had been doing the same thing year after
year, and was getting nowhere. I decided at that moment I had to quit
smoking pot.

I can't begin to tell you how my life changed. I became bored with my
party-animal boyfriend, and later married a wonderful man I wouldn't
have looked at twice while I was hanging out with the doper crowd. I
went back to school, earned a master's degree, and got an excellent
position with a Fortune 500 company. Not only did my work life and
love life improve drastically, but I also developed some badly needed
self-esteem. It was your column on marijuana that helped me turn my
life around, and I want to write a belated "thank you."

- -- Margie in Tennessee

Ann says: I very much appreciate your generous letter. Please keep
reading for one that should be of special interest to you:

Dear Ann: Last fall, my teenage son began smoking marijuana and was soon
totally out of control. I sent him away to a special program for a short
period of time. He is much better now, but I was heartsick at the time, and
could not understand how my son could have gotten into so much trouble.

Two weeks ago, the truth came out, and I am furious.

Last summer, I sent my two teenagers to visit their uncle and aunt
across the country. I decided it would be a good way for my brother
and his wife to get to know their niece and nephew. I also believed
that my brother would be a good role model. I was mistaken. He and his
wife smoked pot in front of my kids, offered it to them, and made them
promise not to tell me.

My brother believes marijuana is not harmful, even though their oldest
daughter has been in trouble with the law because of cocaine. I
remember reading in your column a while back that most cocaine addicts
start with pot. My brother and his wife insist there is no connection
between their casual use of pot and their child's current problems.

I now believe that my brother and his wife contributed to my son's
problems, and am considering suing them for the cost of the special
program I put my son in. My friends and family say I should forgive
them because no long-term harm was done. I am so angry about this that
I am considering a break with the entire family. Please advise.

- -- A Canadian Mom

Ann says: A pox on your brother and his wife for introducing your son
to marijuana. Be thankful the ''special program'' was a success, and
forget about a lawsuit and becoming estranged from the entire family.
Mass retaliation is never a good idea. It is rooted in the wish to get
even, and could invite an ongoing battle, which nobody wins.

Next summer, see that your son has a local job, and keep your eye on
the companions he hangs out with. This is the best insurance that he
will not go down that disastrous road. Good luck.
- ---
MAP posted-by: Richard Lake