Being a chronic complainer and all-around prick, I often criticize members of the Stanford Administration for their many, many shortcomings. But I am no misanthrope. The sun is shining. Our basketball team just nuked the state of Washington. Jack Bauer went fucking vampire on a terrorist. So, bright-side-of-life time. I won't bore you with impolite chastisements of hard-working staff members like Jane Camarillo, upon whose metaphorical shallow grave we all shall dance the tango, and Greg Boardman, who reportedly wants to ban drinking games in freshman dorms -- a silly rumor, since only a complete poltroon would want to ban drinking games, and you and I both know Greg ain't no goddamn poltroon.

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